the plucky comic relief

What if you were a woman in your FORTIES and after accidentally almost drowning your high school bullies via a self help book written by SATAN you help dig up the founder of your CURSED town only to find out HE IS STILL ALIVE and can communicate through little notes and you’re trying to be nice to the again IMMORTAL MAN WITH A POOPY POST IT IN HIS BOY LOCKET but he’s not being very nice so now you have to write another LITTLE NOTE and ask if he’s mad at you

Starting my speech at the Omelas city council with a child acknowledgement statement

but ykw at least i'm not on mount everest. at least i'm not paying tens of thousands of dollars to slowly suffocate in a 300-person line at the gates of hell. never in my life will i have to be steered in a hypoxic stupor through the maze of poop and corpses atop mount everest. on this earth a lot of horrible things can happen to you without your permission but there are a few that you have to opt into. you can just say no thanks! and be guaranteed never to have to be on mount everest. much to be grateful for actually

still not on mount everest this morning 😌 alhamdulillah