mo nighean donn

monologues that will haunt me for the rest of my life 9/?

↳ IAN SOMERHALDER as DAMON SALVATORE in The Vampire Diaries, 4.02: “Memorial”

bonus:

MASALI BADUZA as Michaela Stirling BRIDGERTON | 4.05 Yes or No

Repetition in his obsession with Benji’s intentions toward Mona when he starts spiraling about not being a father. Alby and Benji’s names sequentially following each other and being cute little nick names. Face stomping again. Prison again. Then the betrayal. Ruben’s feeling that his masculinity has been once again stollen from him.

And Niall. Poor, pathetic Niall. So twisted up in shame and violence, he finally just walks directly into it. He survived so many times. Deep down I think he thought maybe he was special. And Ruben would forgive him if Niall let Ruben hit him first. Like Alby slapping him at the bar.

Every repetition was a warning. There were places something or someone could intervene. But Niall and Ruben just didn’t have the vision to see it or the tools to stop it. They were too locked into what they both needed from each other. What scared them about each other.

Ruben says to be groped is attack on the soul-

Ruben GROPES Niall, he IS the first sexual experience from a man that Niall has. It wasn’t an attack on soul but an entanglement of souls between these two half men.

Niall is confused when Ruben decides to say Alby groped him. Not just because he thinks Ruben is tough as can be- but because Niall doesn’t even realize that was the reaction he was “supposed” to have with Ruben, the night Ruben did that to him.

We clearly see now this twisted love both have for eachother.

Ruben reveals the closeness he felt with his father (very fucked up i am not condoning his dad) however we Niall and Audience cannot put Rubens feelings at fault. These were his first sexual experiences and deeply changed him as a person at his core.

Hypsexuality, only knowing violence as a way to express his own homosexuality- because he never got to experience this glow of a first gay sexual encounter the way we do with Niall’s fuzzy warm scene he has with Ruben.

So when Ruben says “in a lot of ways it’s the closest I’ve ever been with someone” the look of bewilderment on Niall’s face and the the broken eye contact away. Not only realizing the severity of the statement but Niall himself realizing his sexual experience with Ruben was the most blissful and safest “little death” he has ever probably experienced in his life. With Ruben on him, around him- breathing his air- smelling him. All the senses are imprinted with Ruben.

Niall is ashamed that he feels this same closeness and love for Ruben- that his body an every feeling with sex is marked with Ruben. And he is that drug he can’t get enough of- even when he’s vomiting and ill-

We see “the drug” (Ruben) act up again at the wedding when Niall thinks he’s clean of Ruben, sober of Ruben-!but Niall then seeks permission from Ruben to marry Alby. From then on this scene establishes that it would never stop, not after the marriage- Ruben would consume Niall Kennedy and Niall would let him.

Back in the barn- Ruben takes Niall’s air away, Ruben relishes in what he’s doing to Niall (he was grinding and choking him chat).

If Niall says the love he experiences for Ruben is a drug, I think Niall himself OD’d in that barn- Niall willingly follows Ruben in that barn without any sort of hesitation. He goes and pushes those barn doors apart himself.

What happens after is the drug taking full effect on Niall Kennedy’s body-

Ruben is here “to break the teacup and put it back together “ as Hannibal does time and time again with Will Graham

Ruben breaks Niall, so they can be reset in the next life just as Reuben looks forward to with his relationship with his mother.

"I have, historically, always been an all-in or all-out guy"

"If you're not making a weird face while you're working out, what are you doing? I'm always making a weird face"

Details of Belmont Cameli's sexy little dace ft. Ella Bright 💛 The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon