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YOU ARE THE REASON
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@grumpcrow

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sometimes there are lines in the dungeon crawler carl book series that hit me like, âhow can we make it to heaven if god doesnât recognize us?â from a person whoâs been transformed both physically and mentally by the dungeon or âsometimes parents can cast a shadow so thick, you can drown in it,â from a character who recognizes he was a shitty father to his fucking kid who died and it lands like a sucker punch
and then you remember thereâs also a talking cat eating cherries from dirty Shirleys while a guy has to run around in boxers bc the AI thinks itâs funny. whiplash, dude lol
It's like monkeys on a typewriter
Sometimes you get lines akin to Shakespeare, sometimes you get hit by an AI telling Carl to pay the Daddy Tax
mordecai with donut and carl is such an embodiment of that one post that's like "is that my..? fuuuuck that's my circus. and are those? dammit, those are my monkeys."
being called cool and awesome online even though i am annoying and odd in real life

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every single translator: get his ass
Hungarian translator: I'm on it
When I am king, we will valorize sanitation workers the way we currently valorize the military
So heroic posters showing trashmen battling allegorical monsters? I'm down.
Yeah but that's just the beginning. I also want Sanitation Worker Discounts at every business and blockbuster movie propaganda glorifying sanitation work. I want random people to salute garbage collectors and thank them for their service. I want drivers who get impatient with the recycling truck and honk at it and swerve around it to become social pariahs
no you do not need to hold fictional characters "accountable". they are not real.
(to the tone of creep by radiohead) but i'm asleep. on mypillow

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Strange haunted photo where Winifred looks like she's a painting
I have placed her in a more fitting setting
For the first time in my tenure on tumblr, it's "THAT'S A PHOTOGRAPH?" and not "THAT'S AN OIL PAINTING?"
âmy father is a boy and my mother is a girl so iâm mixedâ is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6â5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat
comedians can only dream of writing something this funny
âspicy pillowâ jokes aside, I think @flowerkroneââs tags deserve a serious reply:
#my old phone looks like this on my shelf lmao #im too scared to touch it to throw it away #idk what trash this even goes into when its at this point
The pillow-shaped object here used to be the phoneâs battery. Itâs not a battery anymore. Now itâs a balloon full of corrosive, pyrophoric chemicals and hydrogen gas and itâs one puncture away from burning your house down. I am 100% serious. You should be scared to touch it.
But you gotta touch it, because you gotta get it out of your house before the pressure builds up to the point where the balloon pops. This isnât going to happen soon â there is no need to panic â but it will happen eventually.
And, indeed, it doesnât go in the ordinary trash. You put this in the ordinary trash and youâre gonna set the garbage truck on fire. Donât do that to the garbage collectors, their job is hard enough already.
The first thing you need to do is get a fireproof container. The most common household item that qualifies as a fireproof container is a cast-iron cookpot with a cast-iron lid â often sold as a âDutch oven.â Any other cooking container thatâs unreactive, has a very high melting point, and has a lid made of the same materials will also work: enameled or stainless steel, Pyrex with glass lid, etc.
However: Do not use a pot with a PTFE-based non-stick coating. If the battery does explode, the fire will probably be hot enough to degrade a PTFE coating, producing toxic smoke. (Not that you should breathe the smoke from the battery fire either, but PTFE breakdown products are worse.) Do not use a pot made of aluminium or copper. The fire might even get hot enough to melt those.
Whatever container you use, you might have to throw away along with the phone, so donât use your good Dutch oven for this. Go to a thrift store and buy a cheap one.
Once you have the fireproof container:
Gently pick up the phone and put it in the fireproof container. If possible, gently tape the phone to the bottom of the container to prevent it from bouncing around. Donât put any padding in there, thatâll just make a fire worse if it does happen. Put the lid on and tape it shut.
Put a label on the container, something like âDEFECTIVE LI-ION BATTERY â FIRE HAZARDâ.
It is now reasonably safe to move the container around. However, if the battery does explode, the container is very likely to leak smoke and get hot, so keep it in a well-ventilated area and away from things that will be damaged by heat. Donât leave it exposed to the weather, either.
You need to find either a hazardous waste disposal site, or an e-waste recycler that will accept defective Li-ion batteries. I canât help with that because I have no idea where you live.
However, your local fire department, if you have one, will probably be happy to help. Call their non-emergency number. Nothing is on fire yet, so this isnât an emergency, but things that can easily start a fire are still within the fire departmentâs responsibilities. Tell them you have a phone with a bulging lithium-ion battery, you put it in a fireproof container, and you want to know how to dispose of it safely.
If the fire department tries to tell you this isnât dangerous or itâs okay to throw it out in the regular trash (with or without fireproof container), hang up on them and write a cranky letter to your local government representatives, then keep looking for a proper disposal site.
When you do find a a hazardous waste disposal site or an e-waste recycler, call them and make sure they will take defective Li-ion batteries, before showing up. Thatâs also a good time to ask if they will let you have the fireproof container back.
Reblog to save lives.
[Image: A phone with the insides visible, including a battery that has inflated like a balloon. The photo is captioned, âPillow :33â]
Reblogging because I would have had absolutely no idea what to do, either.
A tiny insect clinging to the head of a horned viper
#ratatouille
"i feel besquintled", said no one ever. because that's not a word.
okay nevermind it IS a word now and this is exactly what it means.
EVERYONE SHUT UP AND LOOK AT THIS NEW AND BETTER WORD

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unrestrained summer fun
World Heritage Post
I watched the live action version of "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" on Youtube and I was not ready for the utter lack of emotions from the CGI animals.
Nala looking concerned about Simba hiding something about his past, a comparison:
Also, in CGI this song called "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" does not take place at night.