Don't make me be funny, I'm tired

guess who ran errands without remembering to take off its kandi choker that said "stud animal" on it

People love simple, extremely practical things. I hope you win!

surprisingly forward-thinking of jim henson and co. to make a female character in the 70's that's allowed to be loud-mouthed and violent and kind of overwhelmingly romantic and even a huge bitch at times and not have a moment where any character asks her to change

going through all the muppet movies in a row made me realize that like. miss piggy was made in the 70's. and it's so rare even today to have a character like her. she's loud, she's selfish, she's funny, she's extremely vain, she's obsessed with romance, she's violent, she's kind of annoying, and there's not a single moment in any of these films where she's asked to tone down any of these personality traits. i am not joking when i say that miss piggy might be one of the best treated female characters ever written

This is how we solve the male loneliness epidemic

This is how we solve the male loneliness epidemic

Pulitzer Prize type shit

Why's this dude built like crash bandicoot

Everything about this damn post is so funny to me. The lighting of the arm from the flash. The posing of the arm like a dramatic death from a novella. The fact the photo somehow got taken still and looks this good. The subreddit name. The fact this guy really is built like crash bandicoot

don’t worry, you’re still in the “early life” part of your wikipedia page

#this is the positive version of this post #it is friendly and brings luck

level 271 penismancer demonstrating his arcane might

"Kaijus? I ordered orange juice!" WOHHHH HOH HOHHOHOHO

This is my girlfriend's thought behind transitioning

oh my god it hurts

and it's going to hurt forever

i was preparing a wet specimen one day and my dad was like this reminds me of my work buddy who ties dollar store balloons to roadkill and watches them fly away. and i had to drop everything for a second and say no. no i dont think this is like that

When I was training to be a paramedic, we had one student ask the instructor what to do in the event of a marijuana overdose. The instructor said "Tell him to take two twinkies and call you in the morning."

Every time, I know what's coming, but every time, I just lose it at "Uh. That"

I already lost it at "that time we ate our prime minister" and "Uh. That" didn't really help.