gremmlin

A goomba and I walk into a bar. The goomba says to me, "Hey buddy, why the big boot?". The outcome is inevitable.

my knight dismissed me as his squire for shrieking “DIVA DOWN!” when he was unhorsed on the battlefield

fuck my gay life. pharmacist asked for my ID when I was picking up my testosterone and instead of my driver’s license, I accidentally grabbed the fool tarot card I keep behind it in my phone case and went to hand that to her

9/11 could never happen today because the twin towers arent there anymore for some reason

Turns out the scheming eunuch's love for you is genuine

alright, you’ve made your choice. now, i will propel you through the air at 94 miles per hour and give the christian baby the bat, and we’ll see how you like it when the shoe is on the other foot, won’t we

depressed king: I don't even care about brighands any more

guy who googles pepsi just to make sure he knows what hes talking about

Its my habit and pleasure to remove the -us endings in Roman names