Wait hold up this is awesome. So not because I'm ugly?

genuinely people should be getting arrested for this heat. oil ceos should be getting dragged out onto the streets and kicked to death over this.

but actually genuinely why is the ant sad and leaving with a bindle

My best guess is: The ant is leaving dejected because there're no crumbs here because of how good the paper is at cleaning them?

what will it be, boss? the comfort of misery or the pain of change?

EVERYONE GET MORE FEMINIST NOW

EVERYONE GET FEMINIST NOW 😭😭

*street shot of zohran mamdani clad in nasty lil suit and hard hat* five months ago i was elected mayor of new york city. in that time, we have managed to COMPLETELY defeat the Staten Island Minotaur at no additional cost to the new york taxpayer

my teeth were perfectly designed to tear abd rend the soft white flesh of the gentle beast known as the mozzarella

you may think misogyny is good because it is made up of miso, which is delicious, and gyny, which is woman. and girl miso sounds great. but 👆 it is not girl miso

will you ever forgive me

jesus christ did i fucking kill them im sorry

you may think homicide is good because it is made up of homo, which is gay, and cider, which is delicious. And gay cider sounds great. but 👆 it is not gay cider

you solve the mystery of what to have for dinner one night and you think "hell yeah case closed forever" WRONG there is a dinner mystery the next night too

(guy who's not getting anything done voice) I need to learn every skill and all information

i'd truly be fucked in her situation because rumpelstiltskin is not a name that would come to mind for me

okay you know that scan/photo of a teen girl’s diary entry that goes like “wore yellow dress today. chris keeps trying to talk to me even though he KNOWS i’m not interested! ugh! man landed on moon.” anyway that’s the mood

I keep thinking about this post as I check in on the Artemis II mission throughout the day in between doing my normal tasks. My texts to my girlfriend look like “Aw man I was making pasta for dinner and I dropped the box and now there’s macaroni all over the floor. Houston and Integrity Crew are go for translunar injection by the way”

am i allowed to say kill all trillionaires or is that too specific of a threat