You are still you, Simon

You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

Reblog to materialize $250,000 in prev's bank account

Every time I see this creature he looks like if the wind blows on him a bit too strong he'll puff into a million seeds like a dandelion and scatter in the breeze

This is kinda ominous ngl

Gotta compliment him on his reflexes. No hesitation. Just described exactly what he was seeing, regardless of what it was.

[VD: A weatherman is giving a report and pointing to a map, saying "feel like temperatures really take a tumble too, because after the storm-" before he is interrupted by the screen going black and then displaying a picture of some baby spinach. He says, "um," then immediately points to the screen and confidently announces, "this is baby spinach." /End VD]

Everything about this is a masterpiece: the girl that says “wow” and the girl that says “hi” shyly and bill awkwardly lifting his hand to say hi to them I’m cracking THE FUCK UP

The way they all immediately straightened up their postures like the fuckin pope walked in 😂 the sheer power this cool science man has over the american people is palpable

the irredeemable pervert is generally well regarded among their friends for their insightful thoughts and all around pleasant demeanour

The older i get the more i understand why some people become obsessed with privacy, not because they’re hiding something, but because being constantly perceived starts to feel spiritually exhausting.

this is, by far, the most impactful imageset on this website

people online are on a mission to hold every single random person "accountable" in the same way as a thief in the middle ages who is about to be beheaded in the town square for stealing a tomato

sometimes, if someone makes a cruddy mistake that hurt some feelings, you don't have to make a 10 page callout doc detailing every time they were sort of a dick to you. sometimes it's okay to just block someone and talk about the situation to a close friend instead of doing this whole "hear ye hear ye" thing

you know the whole "this meeting could have been an email" thing? this callout doc could have been a difficult but rewarding private conversation