Audrey with a d

Over here, we have Garak. He’s a middle aged ex torturer/spy/assassin who got himself exiled for an unspecified offense. He’s the illegitimate son of Enabram Tain, retired head of the Obsidian Order, and that reveal makes clear how many daddy issues he has (all of them). If ASIT is canon, he also had a non shitty father figure in his uncle Tolan, a gardener who followed a banned traditional religion and tried to share as much as he could with Garak.

And here is Zuko, a teenaged prince who gets himself exiled for speaking up on behalf of the troops. He is the very legitimate but disfavored son of Fire Lord Ozai and his dad sent him away on what was supposed to be an impossible mission he was meant to fail. He also has an uncle, Iroh, who tries to give Zuko a more balanced perspective and insight into the spiritual aspects of Fire bending and not just conquest.

They are both exiles, massive daddy issues, and (maybe) have uncles who tried to counter the crap their dads taught them to accept. And for various reasons (age of exile probably the biggest factor) it is Zuko who is able to fully cut ties with his shit dad, while Garak ultimately chases acknowledgement to his father’s literal death bed.

For abusive dynamics (esp familial) there’s this term called the FOG (fear obligation guilt) to describe what keeps the abused from leaving. Zuko gets out of the fog eventually, tells his dad off and goes to join the Gaang. Garak … never does, I think. The first time Tain “dies”, he would have died with him if Odo hadn’t knocked him out. A situation Garak is in because he went to rescue Tain, only to learn the assassins that made him worry were hired by Tain. And two years later, the instant he thinks it possible Tain’s alive he runs to his side, gets captured, and berated by Tain for not formulating the perfect rescue. Garak might snark at Tain but he never tells his father to his face “I’m done with you.”

As satisfying as Zuko’s “fuck you” speech is, I find Garak’s arc meaningful since as much as we wish for a grand speech and dramatic exit, it is a lot harder to cut ties with the family that hurt us. It’s hope and control tied together: the internalization of it being Your Fault isn’t just the poison from the abuser but the false promise of control. After all, if Garak’s mistakes are why Tain hurts him that means if Garak is good enough he can fix it - if the fault is all Tain, Garak has to accept he will never have the father he wants because Tain has chosen not to be and Garak has no power to change that.

I have pondered the “what if Tain had pulled an Ozai and assigned a nigh impossible quest to Garak” scenario but despite the plot potential, think the fact he didn’t is tied to why Zuko gets out and Garak doesn’t.

By giving Zuko a clearly defined task with a clearly defined reward, Zuko has something solid to hold onto - and that means Ozai can be revealed as acting in bad faith. Once Zuko understands Ozai expected “Capture the Avatar” to be impossible, he realizes his exile was supposed to be permanent. When the Avatar turns out to be alive (and capture able), Ozai dispatches other people for the job, demonstrating he wants it to remain impossible for Zuko. Exiling Zuko was throwing him away.

Tain is a far better manipulator than Ozai. Tain offers possibilities but never commits fully. He wants to keep Garak available as a tool, even in exile. The one time he sends an assassin after Garak, he pivots fast to bring Garak back in, including praising Garak for such clever scheming. (Ozai would never praise Zuko for ruining his initial plan). Whatever the equivalent of “capture the avatar” would be, Tain isn’t going to play that game. He needs Garak to hope - and he needs Garak to never realize it is impossible.