DANCE IN THE DARK!

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?

well-written women who narratively suck are like crack cocaine to me. hello shitty little woman do you need some crumbs of love that you've clearly never been given? lol

touch starved infant leaves hospital after contactless delivery

that baby went straight through the hoop. nothing but net

swish

a lot of you really need to internalize that acting avoidant isn't cute at all and that it will cost you experiences and life outcomes if you don't change course

squidward hospitalized for covid and they put him in the squid ward. the nurse is always coming at him, she’s always moving squidward. he can’t escape the room, they got a witch to put up a squid ward. he belongs to the hospital now, they’re calling him their squid ward.

i didn’t know perez hilton was a stage name that he purposefully modelled after paris hilton’s real name i thought she just organically had an evil gay wario or something

In hindsight being a “gifted kid” is so funny. You have substantial difficulties with socializing and fine motor skills but we’re going to ignore that because you’re really good at reading chapter books

okay but how do we feel about sucking on the fingers of the hand that feeds you

I love thinking I'm a hater and then meeting a real hater and going wow that does not look fun actually. Going back to my lukewarm hater ways. Performative haterdom. I couldn't name five hater bands.

maybe your cat is meowing bc it wants a cigarette

cupping my hands together in the shower over my tummy letting them fill with water and spill over pretending i'm a beautifully detailed statue fountain in sicily that was modeled after the sculptor's wife that tragically passed and he considers it his greatest loss and he never remarried and wept while thinking about her every night until he died and an eclectic, sort of geeky and awkward art history student just finished his final about me in which he said that several historians consider me the most beautiful statue fountain in the world, and while that is true, he's also been obsessed with me since he saw a picture of me in a library book when he was young and i'm part of the reason for his taste in women as an adult and he's going to use the college fund money he secretly put away to go to sicily with his girlfriend to come see me because i was the art piece that made her feel beautiful and finally comfortable in her own skin after years of feeling unloved because i look just like her (she is also hopelessly in love with me) and he gently caresses the wedding ring in his pocket smiling gently glancing over at her glowing face as she makes eye contact with me and finally feels like everything is going to be okay. then i get shampoo. in my eye