here’s the life i’ve always longed for

god I'm such a slut for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce *decides it’s inaccurate to refer to myself as a slut in light of my minimal sexual activity* if The Enemy discovered my ardor for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce, they would gain a significant strategic advantage

im addicted to a drug called girls

The one time that the strong female lead was literally a sexy lamp and it made the narrative

I have never, and will never, use "ofc" to mean "of fucking course". It literally stands for OF Course...

they're trying to get me to do something called ""my job"" instead of reading about medieval english poaching laws

going to the corner store to get more corners

just cleaned a space so dirty i actually started saying out loud to myself "your body is washable. you've touched far yuckier stuff. your body is washable. you've touched far yuckier stuff. your b-"

really oxidized coin fell out of my wallet and I said out loud to the cashier “oh no, my yucky penny”

its like this

you have to understand im evil sometimes and i like to torment girls

ancient roman epigraphy is very funny because in the early empire the aesthetic criteria are so strong and cemented that even a humble slave will be able to commission a neat and professional-looking headstone but the farther into late antiquity you get the more you lose that aesthetic sensibility and everything gets progressively messier and more disorderly until you end up with fourth century ce senators putting up honorary inscriptions that a first century slave would've refused to accept