Pills and Thrills and Acting Smart

I’m getting ads telling me to replace live porch flowers with plastic ones because the plastic ones don’t die and buddy I can tell you from personal experience that those flowers will fade until they look like they’ve achieved a new kind of death

as a cis guy, when presented with the "99% you get a ton of money, 1% you turn into a girl" it honestly would be dumb to not hit that button until it breaks. like ok now i have 100 bajillion dollars and gender dysphoria. big deal. i have all the money in the world to turn me back into a guy. like with that kind of money i could have obama do me a phalloplasty. he wouldnt be able to do it as he isnt a surgeon but the point still stands

Okay but hear me out OP, what if the button does the genie wish thing and it flips your internal experience of gender but doesn't change any of your external sex characteristics? This isn't even a gotcha, I'm just actually curious

well in that case i still end up with the "shitload of money & gender dysphoria" combo but this time obama is doing a vaginoplasty instead

#all roads lead to obama bottom surgery (via epicsause-official)

no music 🎧

oh no blowjob for me please! i just wanted to be in this truck stop bathroom stall with you

today I used the phrase "breasting boobily" in casual real life conversation and everyone was shocked asking how I came up with that and I had to explain it. ive been at the devil's sacrament so long that I forgot he wasn't god

“I’ve been at the devil’s sacrament so long I forgot he wasn’t god” is getting added to the tumblr line book

you can hit it raw, i’ve got an IED

you can hit it raw, i’ve got an IED

kind of obsessed with my dad's friend who apparently goes back to being a Buddhist whenever he gets a divorce

[gets divorced] Alright, that's it! No more worldly desire! [sees another beautiful woman] Well... unless?

I love that it’s apparently happened enough times that it’s a cycle. Almost like…

That’s a tarot card

The enormous sunflower is also a lesbian

i wasn't ready for that..lol

i hate australian people they need a dumb fucking nickname for every single word. can’t even get in a car accident without some australian asshole coming up to you and saying “oh gotcha self in a carblammy there aintcha mate” kill yourself and go to hell

i heard that guy doesn't have a library card let's kill him