La chica rara.

I don't want to shut off comments or my blog. This blog has helped me write how I feel. There are some foster parents and adoptive parents and others who stick by me and stick up for me. They tell me they like reading from me. So those who support me thank you. You're awesome. For those I've offended or who are angry with me, well I'm sorry. I'm sorry if you hate me for sharing how I feel. Being adopted isn't easy. I don't know how many times I must say this. Just because I miss and wonder about my birth mom or birth family doesn't mean I don't love my parents. I love my parents. I don't sometimes love their actions. It's hard being adopted and being forced to pretend everything is ok. It's hard not being able to talk to your parents about your feelings because you're worried about their feelings. My mom and dad tried so hard to have kids and to adopt me. I think it would hurt them if I ever said no to them or explain how I feel. Sometimes I feel guilty talking about it here because I'm worried what if they read this. They'll be hurt and probably get rid of me.

So I turned here to write. I never expected to have people read what I write or have so many followers. The truth is adoption is hard for me. It's confusing. As I got older my feelings just got stronger and mixed. I'm no longer that little girl who is clueless about the world. I'm now a teenager who understands I was given away to another family. I was born in one and raised in another. I have two different names and identities out there. I didn't ask to be adopted. That choice was made for me without my input. I wish I did have a choice but I didn't. My adoption is out there without my permission. I can't go home to attend church, school, or heck the store without people knowing I'm the adopted kid. The adopted kid who should be grateful for life. It's hard. Now, in college I can take on another identity, a secret one. One I chose and nobody else chose for me. This is why I didn't want to attend college near home. I wanted a new fresh identity I chose for myself. Nobody knows I'm adopted here. I like that. For the first time in my life I feel free. I even made a few friends and they don't know because I haven't told them. I feel sort of powerful right now.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Why not?

It's tiring to hear people speak for adoptees. Birth parents can't speak for adoptees. Adoptive parents can't speak for adoptees. Only we as adoptees can speak for ourselves

Adoptive parents made the choice to adopt.

Birth parents made the choice to choose adoption.

We didn't get a choice.

Before you decide to adopt a child there's a few things you should think about.

1. Why do you want to adopt? I fully believe the number one reason you should adopt is because you want to provide a child a home and be their family, their second family. You want to give yourself to a child whose family can't care for them.

2. Adoption means being born in one family but being raised in another family. Can you accept the adopted child will always have another family out there? Always. They have another mother, father, sister, brother, cousins, grandparents. You're not the only family they have. Can you accept the child might want a relationship with their birth/first family? Can you accept another set of parents? Open relationship?

3. Can you accept trauma? Abandonment? Depression? ETC from your adopted child? Adoption is a huge loss. It's a hole. My parents can never make up for this. The woman that gave birth to me didn't want me. No matter how good my parents are they can't heal the hurt of my birth mom rejecting me.

4. Can you accept and talk about the hard stuff? Adoption isn't like the movies or TV shows. Some adoptees come from hard backgrounds. Some adoptees weren't placed for adoption. Can you be open and talk about the hard stuff. Their story? Why they were placed? Their birth family?

5. Can you be there for the hard stuff? I mean hard stuff hard stuff. I mean hard stuff questioning yourself. Remember being an adoptive parent isn't like being a birth parent. It comes with loss and trauma. Sometimes your adopted child might act out. Sometimes they might say things that hurt. Sometimes they might run away or refuse to listen to you. Sometimes they want you to get rid of them. Can you stick by them. I started cutting myself at 14. My parents forced me into therapy. I started this blog to share my feelings. Can you be there and help your adopted child? Adoption is hard. Being an adoptee is harder. Adoptive parents get what they want and adoptees had no choice at all. We suffer loss and pain. We already had to lose a family. We need someone to be there. To show us we will not be abandoned again. That you actually love us.

6. Can you accept adopting a child isn't like a biological child?

7. Can you treat the child as your own? Can you stand up for the child? Can you keep their story private?

8. Can you learn from your mistakes? Can you seek out things that will make you a better adoptive parent? Like I said adopting a child isn't like giving birth to one.

9. Can you listen to adoptees? I mean really listen. We understand because duh we're adopted too. We understand what being adopted feels like.

✨ Starlighter ✨