velvety arms of the night

#death from above

this post makes me cry every single damn time

the little snapshots we get if Niall’s sex life in the back half of the show are so endlessly fascinating to me. “anonymous hookups where I’m kind of a control freak and never let myself be emotionally or physically vulnerable in any way” -> “I’ve never heard of sex and I don’t want it” -> “fucking my way through Glasgow’s entire MSM population again but I’m always high when it happens so it’s not my faulttttttttt” I WOULD LOVE TO STUDY YOU. AND I WILL

I would argue what he's got going on in ep4 is not WHOLLY controlled, in the sense of the truck stop voyeurism thing carrying a huge element of risk and vulnerability. BUT from what see of him like... interpersonally and how he carries himself then yeah definitely. There is a notable shift in every one of those time jumps that deserves a whole thesis.

True… but I kind of feel like that risk is something he was tolerating and ignoring up until he was directly confronted with it via the blackmail rather than something he was seeking out. I feel like the events of ep 4 confront him with how socially & physically vulnerable he actually is and his response to that is a period of total sexual shutdown

it’s a really strange sensation when i read or watch something and it is like the issue here is i am sensing some deep chord of what i would name a misogynistic contempt, but in a way where i know the evidence will simply never be “convincing” enough for people who don’t feel it. and people do not have to feel it, to agree with the feeling. but the response to this is usually so scornful - you are hysterical if you are picking up on this. you’re crazy. show me the exact frame that proves it. but i do feel also with something as subterranean and vast and old and structuring and constant and inescapable and strange as misogyny and the other foundational oppressions of liiiiike our whole society there is a felt excess that sometimes exceeds what can be defined with language where all the classic means of evidence simply sort of fail in the face of what ultimately is an unpleasant feeling. exactly because i think unpleasant feeling itself, like the work a feeling of, say, contempt, can do in the world, is the means through which so much of the wordless processes of misogyny and other bigotries are advanced. so.

idk I just think happy queer stories need to be properly labeled so I can be warned beforehand to not get invested in the main ship because there won't be a culminating catharsis of mutual corruption and self-betrayal crystalizing into an inevitable murder-suicide :/ . like I don't think happy endings in queer media shouldn't be "allowed" to exist or whatever I just think tbh honestly to be honest that those creators need to think and be more responsible and let me have my boundary of nottttt wanting to see that. this is because I feel it's really important for me to see myself represented and reflected positively on screen and the real truth of my lived experience is that I'm gay and evil and I'm not going to make it.

i love when a man is fresh of getting his ass beat. it’s like a pregnancy glow