Gaelan

So I have a friend that used to be in the tumblers troupe at the renfaire as a contortionist

We were chatting online and she told me to tell you all this story.

I love Kat dearly

but she forgets that she’s stupid strong and hypermobile

so one day she throws her back out

bad enough that she needed painkillers and couldn’t stand upright

“But also I needed Tampons and like.  A Burrito, real bad.”

she’s flat on her back in her apartment when she decides this

and, in an

impeccable

leap of reasoning, decides

“I can’t roll my back forward to sit/stand up like normal.

But I can ARCH my back just fine.

SO 

I’m going to do that and get on my hands and feet in a stomach-in-the-air this-shit-belongs-in-a-horror-movie-type pose,

And amble on down to the 7-11”

“And get me that Burrito”

It is, 

for context, 

after midnight in July during a wildfire so it’s hot as satan’s own asshole and the moon is red and shit’s already generally cursed.

Imagineyou are some poor sap working nights at the world’s deadest 7-11, and you hear the door jangle but you don’t see anyone’s head over the counters.

Whatever.

Except you keep hearing noises like there’s someone in the next aisle over.  

Fucking around in the burrito section

It’s also worth mentioning that Kat

1. sings whatever earworm is currently running through her head when she’s not paying attention

2. sounds EXACTLY like some kind of creepy child from a horror movie when doing so

tonight’s song is something from veggietales.

DUDE ACTUALLY STANDS HIS GROUND

and/or is really fucking high and isn’t sure if he’s tripping balls or notanyway

Kat goes up to pay for her burrito and tampons

She realizes the counter presents something of a challenge, and then demonstrates for me on her kitchen table at 4AM during a different july wildfire, 

exactly 

how she used the shelves to climb up the counter 

like one of the boston robotics beasties

dude stares at her for like, five minutes and says.

“Register’s broke.”

“Oh No!” Says Kat. “Just Take ‘em.” “Really?  I can leave cash-you don’t have to give me change I don’t want you to get in trouble with your manager.” “…Nah.” “Oh!  OK!  Thank you!” “Yeah ok bye.”

Shortly after she arrived back at the apartment, she got a text on her phone from the campus security about  "A Suspicious Individual” at tle 7-11. 

It took her 

FOUR

FUCKING 

YEARS

This image shows a 14 sided die made of a dark hardwood, each side marked with the Chinese based characters that Korean writers used to use (before that one king gave them the modern characters they use now, that is).

Next to the die is a list of translations for the characters and since it's tiny and fuzzy I will describe it.

For your modern gaming use I have added numerals, which are not on the translations. As for the precise meaning of each thing, well that's for your friends and you to argue about.

You can choose which of these actions to include in your game or not. I'd ditch being hit in the nose and maybe don't flinch while almost hit to play this with a d12, for example.

1- drink two cup immediately

2- drink three cups at once

3- let everybody hit you on the nose

4- drink a big cup and laugh loudly

5- drink from a cup with something gross in it

6- do a dance without music

7- drink while linking arms with a buddy

8- recite a verse from a poem

9- drink and sing a song

10- sing the song G- [illegible. maybe your group can choose a popular song you all will know and one that'll be funny]

11- sing the song [illegible. again, you choose]

12- ask a buddy to sing a song

13- hold still and don't flinch while someone pretends to hit you

14- hold still and don't flinch while someone tickles you

Ships don’t blow up cleanly in flashes and sparks.  Oh, if you’re in the engine room, you’ll probably die instantly, but away from that?  In the computer core, or the communications hub?  You just lose power.  And have to sit, air going stale and room slowly cooling, while you wait to find out if the battle is won or lost.

If it’s lost, nobody comes for you.

It had been about half a day (that’s a Raithar day, probably a bit shorter than yours) and Kvala and I were pretty sure we had lost.  Kvala was injured, Traav and I were dehydrated and exhausted, and Louv was dead, hit by shrapnel when the conduits blew.

Most fleets give you something, of course.  For Raithari, it’s essence of windgrass.  I looked at the vial.

“It’s too soon,” Traav said.

Kvala gestured negation, shakily.  She had been burned when conduits blew, and her feathers were charred, and her leftmost eye was bubbly and blind now.  Even if we were rescued, she probably wouldn’t survive.  “You know we’re losing the war.”

They couldn’t deny that.  “It doesn’t mean we lost the battle.”

“Doesn’t it?  The Chreee have better technology.  Better resources.  And they have their warrior code.  They don’t care if they die.”

“We can’t give up!” Traav protested.  They were young, a young and reckless thar who had listened to a recruiting officer and still believed scraps of what they had been told.  “Any heartbeat now—”

There was a clunk.  Something had docked with our fragment of the ship.

“You see?!” Traav crowed triumphantly.

Kvala exchanged glances with me.  The Chreee never bothered to hunt down survivors.  What was the point, after all?

The Aushkune did.

There weren’t supposed to be Aushkune here.  They were supposed to hide in nebulas.

But if there were—

If there were, we were too late.  The windgrass couldn’t possibly destroy our nervous systems in time to stop the corpse-reviving implants, and once you were implanted, it was over—or it would never be over, depending on how you looked at it and whether Aushkune drones were aware of anything—

Footsteps.

Bipedal.  The Aushkune were supposed to be bipedal.

And then the blast door opened, and a figure stood in it.  My first thought was, robot?  That’s almost worse than Aushkune . . .  But no, it was a being in some sort of suit.

Who wore suits?

“Friendly contact,” the suit’s sound system blared, as the being moved over to Kvala.  “Urgent treatment.  Evacuation.”

“Who are you?”  Kvala struggled upright.

Despite the primitive suit, the blocky being was using up-to-date medical scanners.  “Low frequency right angle shape,” it explained—or maybe didn’t explain.  Two more figures came into the room and put Kvala firmly onto a stretcher.

“You’re with the Chreee, aren’t you?”  Kvala was not at all happy to be on a stretcher.

“Not Chreee,” the sound system said.  “You Man.  Soil Starship Nichols.”  The being hesitated.  “Rescue Chreee as well.  On ship.  Will separate.”

“You what?” I said faintly.  Who would do that?

“Oath,” the being explained.

“What kind of oath?  To what deity?”

The shoulders of the being moved up and down.  “Several different.  Also none.  For me, none.  Just—oath.”

I exchanged glances with Traav, who looked as unsettled as I was.  I had never, ever heard of groups cooperating when they couldn’t even swear to or by the same power.

The being scanned me.  “Have water,” it said.  “Recommend.”

Raithari have fast metabolisms.  I could—would—die of thirst quickly, and painfully.

“Where will you take us,” Traav asked, “after you give us water?”

“Raithari to Raithar.  Chreee to Chreeeholm.”

“Chreeeholm would kill them for failing,” Traav remarked.

The being hesitated, and then said, “War news sometimes bad.  Sometimes lie.”

We had learned long ago not to believe the recruiting officers, but what did that have to do with anything?

“And you—what?” I asked.  “Just fly around looking for battles and rescuing victims?”

The being seemed to consider this.  “Best invention of soil,” it said finally.

Most of what it was saying didn’t make any sense.  Did it worship soil?  But it had said that it had sworn to no deity . . .

Madness.

On the other hand—war was a deliberate, rational act by deliberate, rational people, and I wanted no more of it.  So why not embrace madness and see what happened?

“Soil Starship—Rrikkol?” I asked, stumbling over the word.

“Yes.  Soil Starship Nichols.”

This is what took me a moment.

Suns and moons pass. Streak in the ring finger. Smudge on the pinky. A full-handed block at the cost of three nails of paint. A hit on his master, and he hoots in delight until the master points out the unguarded toe whose polish is now streaked across the master's robe.

Days pass in frustration and exhaustion. By day 40, he has every digit of his acutely in his mind's eye. He senses the master's attack, ducks, dodges, all fingers all toes all himself, aware, and he strikes with his wooden sword.

It connects with the master. The master pauses. The trainee raises his left hand into view--5 digits of flawless sunflower yellow. His left foot. His right foot. And finally his right hand, raised in triumph.

The master smiles. "You have passed. I have just one more technique to teach you."

look it's very simple.

october: spooky month

november: turkey month

Video at the start is a TikTok posted by @‌deadlynim of an individual obviously wracked by despondency. The TikTok is captioned:

Ain't no way I said "cumpkin preem cold brew" to the cute barista at my local Starbucks

This is followed by textposts from various individuals–

"Carms" posted: I work at a restaurant wanted to say careful the soup is hot and I said "careful it's soup" "none ur business" posted: No bc one time at a boba place, my dad wanted his tea without boba. So he said "no bobies". "kayleigh.joy" posted: once asked a customer if they'd like sweet and sour sauce with their coffee. they asked me to repeat myself so i said it again "yassifiedbuttermilk" posted: it's ok one time i was handing out a large iced chai and all i could get out was, "LICE" in a wobbly voice. i wanted to cry "Totes Tracie" posted: I asked the waitress at an italian restaurant for 'sketti and beefballs' and she repeated it back to me "Margaret" posted: one time I was explaining to a customer that our computers keep track of their points, but I said "the cucumber keeps track of that" "rat" posted: once at mcdonald's they asked me what i wanted as my drink and i said ranch. they asked again and i said ranch again. "fnaf cat" posted: once i was trying to say "dont be afraid to come back!" and i said "dont come back, be afraid!" "sarah" posted: was trying to ask if these customers to dine in and i ended up saying "did u want to die?" "beka" posted: I had to call in about xray results and I got nervous so I just asked for my bones

 End ID.]

No matching jobs found for "Guy who guards two pathways and only tells lies"

for “Guy who guards two pathways

and only tells lies”

<3

Favourite swear words, in order:

Fuck

Shit

Dick

Ass

Bitch

Bastard

Damn

Crap

Cunt

Favourite phrases, in no order:

Aw beans

Sweet baby Jesus

What on God's green earth

Lord love a duck

That's a load of horseshit right there

Shut the fuck your mouth

Fantasy-themed swears, in no order:

Merlin's tits

??? Dragon Ass or some shit idfk

Fiddle Dee Dee

By the power of grayskull

On this day, July 27th in 1987, a single was released that would change the world forever.

It's Rick Astley's debut single, Never Gonna Give You Up!

Philosophical question 1: if you know what the link leads to, and it's clearly labeled "Rick Astley, Never Gonna Give You Up" with a photo of Rick Astley, and you click it anyway... is that a rickroll?

Philosophical question 2: What if you secretly hold out hope that it's NOT Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up video? Then click it. Is that a rickroll?

Philosophical question 3: What about if you send this post to somebody and emphatically insist it's NOT what it appears to be, then invite them to click?