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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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@g0ldengaytime

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(sobbing on the floor) i'm amazing digital worthless
i just feel like i lack an amazing digital purpose
he would not fucking say that, but with disability.. he would not fucking be able bodied. sick n tired of characters walking away from multiple life changing injuries without a scratch. let’s get some natural consequences in here.
give that knife/sword fight survivor nerve damage. give the character who was shot in the gut a stoma. give that fire survivor lung damage and an oxygen cannula. give that leg injury survivor a cane. give that starvation survivor gastroparesis. give that spinal injury survivor a manual chair or powerchair.
while we’re at it, give your characters congenital disabilities too, just because. give them intellectual and development disabilities. give them acquired and postviral illnesses. dare to make somebody bedbound. for me.
having a body made of meat sucks ass
we're not made of meat! and we'll always be with you
kill dorothy fuck the lion marry the tin man and i dont care about the other one

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I think about this cake every day
sorry for exposing your tags but this is hilarious
OP, I hope you don’t mind me making an addition:
When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.
The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?
This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.
I love a botched cake.
one time me and some pals spotted one of those big cookie cakes in a store. it was done up with red icing and little X's for kisses and in the middle it said
No One Like You
now, it took us a while to realise it meant "(there is) no one like you". at first, we all parsed it as a botched "no one like(s) you"
for ages after when we'd wind each other up we'd declare "NO ONE LIKE YOU ☹️👎"
I just feel like it's important to post the Sacred Texts
literally what is up with this
im completely addicted to Open Link in New Tab
if Open Link in New Tab is wrong then baby i dont want to be right
If you went to a bar and the bartender was a mousegirl you could ask for a drink and she would balance it on her head and say "for you, it's on the mouse"
the crazy thing about this is that it took one single word to turn it horny. coulda been a normal cute post. coulda taken the high road & conjured a delightful image of a mouse scampering down the bar with a beer ten times its size balanced on its head. but you had to say "mousegirl" and not "mouse." don't pretend this isn't what's going on either i know the score i know what's up. i'm familiar with this sort of semantic trick. you want to fuck down on an anime girl with certain characteristics of a rodent and everyone's gotta know.
>10 hours ago
>deactivated
in retrospect it's even crazier that the reason "girl" set this guy off was because it tangentially invoked the specter of the japanese

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[conversationally] with the state the economy is in, it's hard to afford restraints these days, let alone someone to tie you down with them. i'm basically having to restrain myself all the time now.
[on all fours, covered in blood, drooling and panting, an unspeakable look in my hollowed out eyes] they raised the price of groceries again
ok i absolutely need to know what accents u all have pls reblog and tell me or comment or whatever I must know
All of them are ‘had the opportunity been there just now I would have killed you be thankful it has passed’ but Seinfeld is just like ‘I’m waiting for the day bitch’
Literally always take headphones with you. If you decide that you probably won't need them today, that's the devil talking. You will. You will

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i love whenever theres a discourse around what kind of sex it is moral for heterosexual women to have (where the morality of the sex acts obviously fall onto the woman) not because it’s enjoyable, interesting, fresh, or remotely good for women or the feminist movement, but because you do get some immortal lines every time. from the recent twitter discourse, “enjoy the blowjob, but REFLECT on it” could be my tagline