AwesomeLittleMe

I’m so vanilla I thought OP was a priest.

Forbidden by God to remove his mark of office at the airport

Can’t wait to not sleep at all on September 11th

i know ur from the uk(?) but reading this as an american is really really funny

why 😭 it’s about twenty one pilots???? Their new album is out sep 12th????

@evilwizard

don’t involve me in this…

@theshitpostcalligrapher ?

To this DAY the best argument I ever had with my father was when we were sitting together on the bus to work discussing unions, where HE said “Unions are expensive scams that produce lower quality work at half the speed, they’re bad for customers and bad for workers” and *I* replied “More money than you or I will ever make in our lives has been spent by CEOs of multibillion dollar industries who want to convince you that that’s true” and he called me a conspiracy theorist and like a fucking ‘everyone clapped’ ass moment an old man across the aisle from us pointed to me and told my old man “the kid’s right”

this is so fucking cute omg

That is a catfish in the sense of I HAVE NEVER BEEN FED IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD

i told my dad the joke “dad jokes are just mom jokes that a man repeated louder” and he thought it was hilarious. he turned to my mother, intending to relay the joke to her, and a bare second after he opened his mouth i watched it dawn on his face that he was about to become the subject of the joke. when i tell you that man was slackjawed as he turned back to me, like he had an entire life altering realization in the span of about 20 seconds.

honey is the only food product that never spoils. there are pots of honey that are over five thousand years old and still completely edible

i also want to point out we know it tastes the same even after thousands of years b/c archaeologists who discovered two thousand year old honey tasted it. presumably right after they looked at each other and went “what the hell here goes nothing”

I’m pretty sure they also identify human remains by taste. Archaeologists are straight up freaks.

mai nam is jane and wen i dig i fynde some roks both smol and big i put my tung upon the stone for science yes i lik the bone

I’m sitting with a bunch of archaeologists and we just laughed so hard we CRIED we’re getting tshirts with this on them

I will never ever get tired of seeing bredlik poems. It is really one of the seminal art forms of the century. I am not being sarcastic. 

If I ever don’t reblog this, assume I’m dead and archaeologists are licking my bones.