rediscovering fandom

And I don't really think that's true.

Ilya's issues are unmistakable, sure. I don't really think that anyone is out to minimize them. And it is true that Shane doesn't always realize where Ilya is coming from. (Though I think that in the show, and in the excerpts of the books I've seen, Shane certainly tries).

But I think these takes are pretty reductive when it comes to Shane, because Shane clearly has his own issues that are part of the problem.

Shane has parents who love and support him, this is true. Shane doesn't really understand what it's like to not have that. But Shane is also a child prodigy who has been hyper-visible and singularly focused on his career since he was twelve years old.

Episode 4 of Heated Rivalry is an uncomfortable episode for a lot of reasons, but I think it's a vitally important one because, like Episode 2 is for Ilya, it's the episode that really shows us what Shane is dealing with and what his damage actually is. Because there is damage there.

A healthy person, who is secure and well-adjusted doesn't flee when his seven-year situationship says his first name.

We don't get Shane's backstory as clearly as we do Ilya's. But in "Rose", we get a lot of the pieces, carefully threaded through the episode.

We know that at around the age of 8, hockey was fun. The "crazy stuff" won't start for "another couple of years". (The conversation with Rose.)

Shane doesn't really elaborate on what "crazy stuff" means - in context, it sounds like it means everything outside of hockey-as-a-game - the recognition of talent, the push for success, the brand deals and so on. We know that both Shane and Ilya are well known enough at the start of their careers for the MLH/NHL to invest significantly in presenting their rivalry even before they're signed.

At least some of the brand deals are in place as of CCM and before Shane's rookie season. Rolex is new, but Reebok is not. We don't know when exactly that started.

We do know that there were apparently kidnapping "threats" though. And that was a wild conversation beat that only works with fictional dialogue. Of course, we're not going to follow up on that because it's not relevant to the over all plot. But in a real life conversation, I think Rose would definitely want details about THAT.

We don't know specifically what Shane's early training was like. He IS at least somewhat based on Sidney Crosby though, and from those excerpts about his career, that sounds like a fucked up experience. If anything, Shane might have seen worse, given that he's not just out-performing other kids but he's visibly non white while he's doing it.

We do know that Shane thinks nostalgically back to the time before the "crazy stuff" when hockey was "fun". And he admits that, in some ways, hockey did "stop being fun." And from Shane Hollander, maybe that says it all.

Shane is asked about racism and immediately downplays it. He brings up that there was another kid who got the worst of it, while Shane escaped because he had a western name. But the thing is, we know Shane didn't escape racism, because the series shows us that. We see the suit gushing about his race in terms of token representation. We see interviewers bring up other non-white players without any kind of invitation. And we even see it from Shane's friends! We have Miity's comment on Shane's ability to grow a beard. We have Rose bringing up this subject at all. We have Ilya's "Your mom is Japanese? That's where you get your looks from?"

We don't see the guy get hate-crimed (though given that there are fans who have been burning him in effigy, I don't doubt he's heard a slur or two in the process), but there's enough there to show a steady weight.

And it's a weight that Shane does not overtly acknowledge, That's, I think, a big key in understanding Shane. He talks about that other kid, the one who has it worse. And I think THAT is a bigger element in his communication with Ilya than the idea that Shane doesn't have comparable trauma or difficulty.

Shane would look at what he knows about Ilya's life and his own, and he would absolutely focus on the idea that Ilya "has it worse".

Would Shane talk about the pressure, stress, and exhaustion that comes from essentially working two jobs, to the point where his "summer vacation" only constitutes about two weeks to a man who had his brother extorting him like a walking bank account for most of his career?

Would Shane get into what it feels like to always have to perform his race, to be a role model, to push past all of the stereotypes to a man who is fleeing Russia because of his sexuality?

Can he discuss the pressure he feels living up to his parents' expectations, the frustration he feels when they're focused so intently on his career that they don't always take no for an answer to a man who has no supportive parents at all?

Hell, you can see it in the fan reaction to TLG (I know, book not show, but still). Shane makes one thoughtlessly unhappy comment about his mom to Ilya and fans list this as one of the many reactions TLG Shane is OOC, selfish and a bad boyfriend.

But why? Why are we looking at it like that? Why are we treating it like a failing that Shane is, for this one moment, so focused on his own frustration and stress that he isn't thinking about anything else? And not, you know, a warning sign that maybe things aren't okay with Shane?

"Rose" (the episode) gives us a few more important traits about Shane -

He's prone to pushing through discomfort without saying anything (the commercials, sex with Rose).

He has trouble saying no and sticking to it. (The fans in the aquarium, Hayden's instagram girl, his parents for Wimbledon.)

He is susceptible to judgment and the appearance he's supposed to present (give him his goddamn ginger ale, hot bartender!).

Even things that are personal and private have been packaged up for public consumption (the cottage in the documentary, and the follow up we learn later, that he usually does yoga inside but does it outside for the director's benefit.)

These are all issues that are likely going to influence his ability to communicate with Ilya. It's not just that he doesn't necessarily recognize Ilya's insecurity because he's had a "good childhood". It's that Shane comes into this relationship with a mindset that it's normal to perform through discomfort, that there are obligations and expectations that must be met, and that there's no point in complaining about it because he is getting a benefit and because other people have it worse.

(I think, for example, about Yuna's dismissive "well you like the money", when Shane complains about Wimbledon. I couldn't quite figure out how to work it into the above. It's a part of this analysis too)

The commodification of bodies, the way Shane was already a Product from a young age even though the sexualization of it all didn't start right away.

Yuna not only booking his ad appearances but also right there to adjust the wet t-shirt to add to his sex appeal - it hits me every time because that's not normal for a grown adult to have their parent on set in that role, that's a makeup/wardrobe assistant's job, but she's always there stepping in and Shane looks so uncomfortable but he pastes a smile on his face and keeps going.

The way Shane is so in control of his body and yet not at the same time. Sex and hockey are when Shane gets to really use his body in ways that actually make him happy, and even hockey is a job, one that demands so much.

The league gets a say in what happens with his body - his whole image is constructed by the MHL, by Rolex and Reebok, and of course, his own mother who helps orchestrate all of it, all the time.

He's a role model and an underwater model at the same time, stripped to his briefs but the set is cold looking and sterile, nothing sexy about it at all in the moment.

He gets two weeks off a year. He lies to his parents to get some privacy and even then his dad walks in on them without permission. They're so involved with him all the time and they love him and cherish him and they don't really know him at all.

I doubt that Yuna would have booked him for any overtly sexy ads when he was underage. But that wouldn't necessarily stop a director or a producer, a member of the crew, or any other adult from making a comment. I'm sure Yuna would cut a bitch, but she can't be everywhere. And I could imagine a teenaged Shane being really reluctant to admit that there's a situation that he couldn't handle. His mom is already very involved in his life, he's not going to want to go running to her for everything (even if it would be very warranted.)

The wet t-shirt bit bothers me too. But also, the more I think about it, the more squicked out I am about that part in episode one where she reads off the compliments from Rolex and interjects "that's an understatement" when they call him handsome.

It's natural for a mother to think her son is handsome, of course, but in this scene she's agreeing with a marketing assessment. It's her job, she does a good job, he's a grown adult (even though his "god, mom" response is maybe the only time where I thought he actually sounded like a kid.) But the blurred lines are weird and complicated.

–He hates losing to Ilya, and it makes him so mad he goes home and drinks a beer.

–He sleeps with women because he thinks if he keeps doing it, he’ll eventually find the right one.

–He doesn't just take Ilya’s chirps. he is actually chirping him right back to the press.

There is also this conversation he has with Ilya that I think is very important to show their dynamic where Shane is an active participant in the teasing and bickering and is not sitting there taking it.

The epilogue also shows us Ilya taking care of Shane through sex because it’s their only language and he can tell that Shane is pretty mad about losing. But there is no power exchange dynamic going on.

The books have very clear cause and effect in their relationship, and I do give Reid credit for being the stronger romance plotter in HR than Tierney.

Sochi: Ilya gets scared of his feelings for Shane and pulls away, ghosting him ->

Vegas: Ilya tries to convince himself that he can have emotionless sex with Shane, fails, but Shane gets the message that this is fuck buddies only and is mad in the elevator at himself that he realizes he wishes it could be more ->

Prologue: Shane is fully in the mindset of fuck and get out, this is the emotional repression sex apartment, no feelings allowed, but Ilya is regretting the emotional distance and trying to flirt a bit without success ->

Tuna Melt: Ilya decides to up the stakes (stay over, eat) because he wants to be friends with benefits, but doesn't want to say the words and the lowkey flirting at hookups isn't working; Shane freaks out that Ilya is changing the parameters of their relationship again without talking clearly ->

Tampa: Shane has accepted what he wants and goes after it; they finally are brave enough to communicate

i digress. if the long game had been written with any intention to show equal complexity and empathy between shane and ilya’s struggles, then the move to ottawa would have been the perfect time to showcase the emotional consequences of ilya finally making choices for his own life now that his father is dead. at best, grigori was an emotionally abusive authoritarian who had substantial control over ilya’s career. ilya’s decision to cut off his family, go to the cottage, then move to ottawa, is all in direct opposition to how we are shown he was committed to his family and russia. ilya, for the first time, decides his own relationships, his own priorities, his own team.

and it doesn’t go the way he wants. he feels isolated and alone. he feels disconnected from shane, and his hockey suffers as a result. it is very common for people with PTSD or depressive disorders to be fully functional during turbulent emotional periods, and then suffer severe ‘emotional inertia’ once they have achieved a sense of safety, as everything they were suppressing resurfaces when they no longer have to psychologically protect themselves. ilya is now loved unconditionally and supported by shane and his family, but practiced behaviour from a lifetime of abuse — that he had spent a lifetime ignoring — can no longer be ignored. all of this, feeling guilty and upset that the choice he made didn’t work, feeling depressed and unable to fully accept his feelings. all very interesting things that might inform his combative and often unkind behaviour towards shane!

his martyr complex — the idea that he has to sacrifice for his loved ones because that is what ilya is supposed to do— isn’t fair. he is projecting his family’s expectations onto shane, and not reflecting on his own actions. shane has not asked him to do this, and ilya’s anger when shane fails to acknowledge the sacrifices he never asked for could be an extremely interesting conflict in their relationship! ilya does not believe he deserves happiness, and often chooses to hurt himself rather than communicate his hurts, which in turn hurts shane! and as he continues to hurt himself and shane, i dont think its unreasonable that — while spiralling — he’d start to look for any solutions to try and immediately fix this problem and prove that he, ilya rozanov, made the right choices for himself. could that reasonably manifest as potentially self destructive behaviours like wanting to publicly come out with your boyfriend when you don’t yet have your canadian passport? possibly.

but then everyone else is wrong and shane is right. everything he predicted comes to pass. he is outed by his best friend. he is hatecrimed and ostracised by his championship team. his fiance fails to defend his integrity to the press. he goes to another team for less money and is stripped of a letter. like. it’s just so unbelievably bizarre. i understand that reid wrote this as the ‘comeuppance’ and punishment for shane quote unquote ignoring all of ilya’s more important problems, but then why prove him right? why not make him so passively ignorant that the ensuing horror is a total surprise?

reid has spoken about getting upset when people dislike ilya and his actions, so then why write an entire book where the explicit conclusion is that ilya was wrong, and then try to frame it as shane’s fears — while ultimately correct — simply weren’t worth the hassle? and why, at the end of that, is shane still the only one to apologise?

shane — who at this point has spent the entire book being told by literally everyone that he needs to be less mopey and anxious and to support ilya’s life more — fully compartmentalises everything and pushes all of it down. he’s never been happier, truly. yes he’d love to host the centaurs at his new house without warning. he’d love to do a photoshoot. he’d love to post a video on instagram. he’d love to be the butt of the joke. look how much fun he’s having. this is great. he just needs to be less worried about everything and it’ll all work out. ilya will take care of it. he just needs to go to the back of the line. yes, he wants another slice of chocolate cake please and thank you

then he tries ribbing shane — the classic ‘fuck you’ ‘asshole’ ‘boring’ game where they volley shots at each other back and forth — and shane, his shane, is slightly too slow to return the hit. shane is very quiet in their house, and he doesn’t always notice ilya has spoken. when asked, shane doesn’t have a strong opinion about their new lounge set. shane doesn’t mind staying out later. shane asks ilya to turn off game 4 of the stanley cup finals.

she cannot let ilya be misunderstood, and by virtue of this his actions always have sincere, unselfish motivations. this also harms ilya’s existing character!! during this fight, he thinks: “Ilya didn’t want to fight. He was exhausted, and miserable, and his boyfriend was breaking his fucking heart.” there is almost no reflection on ilya’s part about his actions aside from ‘he was sure he’d never hurt shane.’ zero internal interrogation. ilya is not curious about what shane might be feeling in the moment. ilya also does not really consider what might have informed this escalated reaction from himself

meanwhile, shane’s reaction to this fight is:

“Obviously he had fucked something up. He hadn’t been paying attention to Ilya, or to what Ilya had given up for him, and he now realized that Ilya had given up a whole fucking lot for Shane. For them. Of course he resented Shane. Ilya had left his home country, his family—even if only a brother he hated remained—his team, his friends in Boston, his entire fucking life, really. He’d changed everything.”

it upsets you when people misinterpret his actions because you love him so much you know why he's doing these things even though people may get it wrong? shane, on the other hand.... he's selfish. he's just stupid. he doesn't understand the dark side of hockey. he's oblivious. agrees with the popular hc that he's autistic and then walks it back bc that resulted in people having empathy for shane (and also makes clear that it is ilya's responsibility to communicate more effectively to accommodate his partner, which we just can't have. ilya can't change his behavior to accommodate shane. it always has to be the other way around).

"Not everything is about you, Hollander." He didn't look at Shane at all when he said it. His voice hadn't been angry. He just sounded...tired. And sad. Shane studied his profile. His own anger left him, and he found himself caring about Ilya Rozanov, which was an odd sensation.

Characters misreading each other is a very common romance trope, like in Pride and Prejudice. Usually that's something that is eventually resolved as the characters come to know each other better, but Reid cannot stand for Ilya to be thought badly of by the audience even for a scene--even when the characters barely know each other at all. Instead, Shane has to have a perfect perception of Ilya's mental state (even though that directly contradicts her description of Shane's qualities) and immediately puts his own feelings aside to center Ilya's. See, Ilya isn't being a jerk, reader, Shane is concerned about him so you should be too!

It happens in the Sochi scene as well.

Rozanov was being an asshole, which was nothing new, but he didn’t seem to mean it. In fact, Shane would bet that Rozanov would actually really like him to stay. He looked like he could use a hug.

but when ilya is with svetlana, ilya stays on the left. which means he either gives up the left side because he knows shane prefers it, or, he wants to be there because that's the place shane's body had been before they 'broke up.'

They're always in and out of the water – lake swims, pool swims, hot tub, showers – so doing his curl routine each time would be crazy when he could be spending that precious time sucking his boyfriend's dick.

Shane's not the biggest fan of how Ilya's styling products feel. He'll tolerate it, but Ilya can tell by his face that the texture isn't his favourite. Less product = more hair touching.

Shane's hands are always in his hair. When they're kissing. When they're watching a movie. When they fuck. When Ilya sits with his head in Shane's lap. When they're napping on the couch together. Shane's hands are usually full of a handful of Ilya's curls.

Shane seems to really like it. One time Shane said Ilya's fluffy hair made him look like a duckling and he's been chasing that high ever since.

But this year he's not in Russia, and he slips into this warm syrupy slumber while Shane pets through his hair (incidentally making a disastrous mess of his curls) and reads his book. When Ilya eventually rouses, with a happy grumble of contentment, nuzzling closer into Shane's stomach, he can feels Shane laughing gently at him almost before he hears it.

"Did you sleep well?" Shane asks, and that sounds warm and syrupy too, and Ilya rolls over so he can smile at Shane and revel in the smile he gets in return.

And then Shane says, "Are you hungry? It's almost dinnertime," and Ilya realises he's been lying here, napping and pinning Shane to the couch and wasting both of their time, for hours, and he jackknifes upright so suddenly that Shane startles back.

"Fuck!" Ilya spits out. "I was--fuck, has been so long. Why didn't you wake me up?" already guilty because Shane had wanted to make some pasta thing that he was weirdly excited about and they'd talked about maybe playing more Chel but now the whole day's been napped away and--Ilya sneaks a look---Shane's book is lying closed on the couch, bookmark set neatly aside, so Shane had finished his book and not even been able to get up to go do something else.

And he's just smiling at Ilya, completely unconcerned that Ilya's been idle and asleep and... and... lazy, all afternoon, just glad Ilya had a good nap.

Shane's frowning in mild confusion at him. "Why?" he says, genuinely not seeing the problem. "You were napping, it was nice. I mean, if I'd needed to pee or something I'd have got up but I was fine." He reaches out and smoothes some of Ilya's hair down. "Oh, the pasta. We can do that tomorrow, we have all that salad from lunch and rolls and there's peaches if we want dessert."

Ilya must have responded somehow because Shane beams at him and says, "Cool, I'll go set the table if you want to go wash your face." He smirks and pokes at Ilya's cheek. "Got a little drool there." And then he smacks a kiss on Ilya's head, gets up, and trots over to the kitchen while Ilya just sits there reeling.

What is it about Shane that you love and were drawn to? He is hyper competent at this one thing. He’s stereotypically masculine in a lot of regards. He’s a kind person, and he’s so overtly Canadian. He’s harboring something that he thinks is a career-ending secret because he just doesn’t have the emotional maturity or societal maturity to sort of understand what his own queerness means. To him, it’s most likely detrimental, which is the wrong assumption to some degree, but it shatters his own idea of what his masculinity is, or at least it cripples it. And yet, he still never harms a fly. (via The Hollywood Reporter)