After Ilya stays in the cottage that first summer, something shifts in a way that scares Shane. He's used to getting completely wired around Ilya: each hookup night meant falling asleep no earlier than 3am, either because they were all over each other until the late hour, or because Shane was pacing around his hotel room, unpacking what just happened.
But now, he gets so tired whenever Ilya is around. His eyelids start to droop and, even though he's spent days or weeks looking forward to reuniting with his boyfriend, all he wants to do is fall asleep in Ilya's arms.
He decides to go to the doctor for some labs, checking for conditions that would make him fatigued. Words like leukemia and lupus came up on his Google searches, so he braces for the worst.
"Everything is perfect, Shane," his doctor tells him over the phone a week later. "But, you know, if you're worried about it, you could talk to a psychiatrist."
He makes an appointment for the next day with the first psychiatrist he finds. He explains the issue again: extreme sleepiness, maybe even narcolepsy, if Web MD is right. After more prompting, he specifies that this happens specifically around his partner.
The psychiatrist smiles at him. "Do you know much about nervous system regulation?" she asks gently. When he shakes his head, she explains further. "There are some people or settings that cause our nervous systems to feel calmer, and, especially for people who spend a lot of their lives in a state of fight or flight, those soothing feelings can make us tired and sleepy. Maybe your body finally feels safe and able to rest."
He doesn't tell Ilya about this until months later, and he's met with a loud squeal and a thousand kisses on his cheeks, jaw, forehead, and collarbones. "I love being your safe place," Ilya says.
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