i am actually tenderly reaching out to grasp your hindleg

they call it his achilles heel because ack! It killies him

They call it the Odyssey because it really do be Odd at Sea

the biggest spider in north america just sent you a friend request on steam

I basically find crap like this hard to believe

I keep hearing nearby footsteps but theyre not of humanoid gait so i pay them no mind cus all beasts are friendly towards me due to rapport ive built with various animal clans

Got kicked out of the X-men school because my only superpower is giving dogs insomnia. No yeah it's like one directional, I can't remove it. Yeah I know it's not called the X-men school but like you knew what I meant, everyone knows what I meant

"why was the ending so rushed it was so good up until the ending" the answer is the same every time no matter the media you're talking about: the author is a bee and had to go back to the hive to defend the queen

inherent gay need to redesign my bedroom every 3 months

Barricade the door

giving increasingly loud sighs as I wait for my crush to ask "what's wrong?" so I can say I'm in a state of depression unless I can touch someone's boobs with no bra

I stop once I start getting short of breath

[Your crush, on the phone to someone unseen] Yeah I think she needs to be put down, her breathing-- yeah I know it can be a problem for her breed, but it's getting really bad.

I'M NOT A DOG??????

[clearly less interested now] Oh.

wait! au au

[walking over the distant horizon, towards the West]

AU AU!!! AU AU!!!!! 😭

how is tin's melting point only 230°C / 450°F. that's the temperature I roast brussels sprouts.

I'm going to be cursed by a wizard to only be able to speak in future tense

This is gonna suck so bad

Ugh okay so the good news is that I'm finding a countercurse. The bad news is I'm coughing while casting it and I guess that screws it up. I'm asking the rival evil wizard for help

You've got to have been fucking kidding me

so what if i got my toddler's eyebrows microbladed? it didn't cost him anything i had a gift cord

ok well if i can be vulnerable with you for a moment theres a hole in the floor at work and i dont know if it drains to anywhere but i do know ive been pouring old coffee down it for about three weeks now

a coworker saw me do it today and her expression was unreadable