Elliott's frontal cortex

Being high has me saying things like “I like friends” as if it’s some profound relization

Actually I think I do this sober too

When I am king, we will valorize sanitation workers the way we currently valorize the military

So heroic posters showing trashmen battling allegorical monsters? I'm down.

Yeah but that's just the beginning. I also want Sanitation Worker Discounts at every business and blockbuster movie propaganda glorifying sanitation work. I want random people to salute garbage collectors and thank them for their service. I want drivers who get impatient with the recycling truck and honk at it and swerve around it to become social pariahs

Shane set out to learn Russian because he didn't want the burden of communicating in their second language to always fall on Ilya, by default. He also wanted to learn more about Ilya's culture through the language, he wanted to hear his husband make jokes in his mother tongue, to get to know the side of him that comes out entirely unimpeded when he doesn't have to filter himself through his second language. He expected to mostly use it at home, perhaps especially when Ilya was feeling overwhelmed. However, once Shane actually learns Russian to the point that he's fully conversational, they mostly use it to shit talk people in public.

it’s a random day on their honeymoon and ilya is at the pool with shane when he notices he’s without his sunglasses. so he heads back to the hotel to grab them from their room. he’s on his way to the elevator when the receptionist calls out “mr. hollander?” and ilya stops and is about to correct her when it hits him. he’s in fact mr. hollander. and he’s just standing there grinning like an idiot in front of the receptionist who is explaining something to him that he’s not listening to at all. and when the receptionist says again “mr. hollander?” ilya goes “i’m sorry, can you explain again?” with the sappiest grin on his face.

It was the hest of times, it was the horse of times

I like to imagine during Ilya’s two year long hole hunt he was constantly bragging about how nobody was ever gonna tie him down. Hanging out with Svetlana like I don’t even have to ask pussy comes to ME 🤑🤑🤑 & then under the table at the club he’s pulling up Jane’s contact going “PLEASE JUST A PHOTO OF THE SLIT PLEASE BABY”

finding out you spent most of your life dissociated is a HUGE bummer

i thought shit didnt stick to me cuz i was slick but its cause i wasnt there #LAME

reminiscing on when i went cave diving a couple years back & another dude who was in there was playing minecraft music out of his backpack so i just heard c418 slowly approaching me from within an actual cave. shoutout to that guy

i briefly experienced what it was like to be steve for real for about 4 minutes

Batman gets hurt and Superman is helping him and Clark jokingly says “you’re being such a good boy” and Bruce has to give all of his willpower not to completely dissolve into a mess. Clark can hear Bruce’s heart literally skip a beat and he just laughs to himself. He found a new way to get under the bat’s skin.

not all your fave blorbos can be masochists some of those fuckers gotta enjoy beating the shit out of someone during sex

Luca raising himself up on his knees and turning around in his seat on the airplane to ask Ilya something, while the rest of the plane is mostly asleep, only to come face to face with Shane and Ilya looking like two deer in headlights, staring at him wide-eyed, Ilya two fingers deep in Shane's mouth and body curled around him. Luca slowly turning back around and lowering himself down in his seat, whatever he meant to ask completely forgotten, face flushed, and afraid he will never be able to look his captain or his alternate in the eye again.