i’d be the worst intelligence asset of all time or close to it i’d try to honey pot a US senator at the request of my handler but i can see myself trying to play both sides to the point of hubris that i overplay my hand or i get so mad at him that i blow the operation wide open over a pair of flip flops or something like he forgot them on a super predator’s yacht on the adriatic and i just fuckin lose it i lose my mind because i love those flip flops and he tries to calm me down by saying he can buy me new ones but i don’t want new ones i want those ones you don’t get it you don’t get me and i start yelling around everyone that i don’t love him it’s russian interference and i can’t play it off as a psychosis moment

When I was a little boy, girls used to just do random cartwheels for no reason. Then one day, they stopped. Now that I am a man, no women randomly do cartwheels. This is because society is evil and killed the cartwheel impulse in their soul. They don't even spin horizontally anymore. It's fucked up.

he's fucking the guy that taught him how to tie his shoes

*street shot of zohran mamdani clad in nasty lil suit and hard hat* five months ago i was elected mayor of new york city. in that time, we have managed to COMPLETELY defeat the Staten Island Minotaur at no additional cost to the new york taxpayer