talk is cheap

i miss my partner. it doesn't feel right to be so far away from her

it's natural for people to test their limits. especially people with unusual limits. eventually you meet them. that's called learning things the hard way

i never had these kinds of paranoid little freakouts when i was younger. and also some other weird little "symptoms" have happened. flashback highs and bizarre shapes out of the corner of my eye. i could probably be diagnosed with some kind of mild schizotypal little quirk disorder but who cares. i'll just keep meditating and living my beautiful life. it's good that im keeping off the psychedelics these days. i was completely fearless before. people would comment on this. that i was one of a kind in having no fear at all. and it was true. i could mourn the loss of that or i could be proud of it bc most ppl never get to live any proud adult years with that outlook. anyways who knows what the future holds. maybe that again or even something better

i had no idea how insane the fireworks were gonna be tonight. maybe that's stupid but ive genuinely never seen anything like that in my entire life. and all the regular fireworks leading up to it and all the super loud crazy flyovers weren't bothering frankie at all so i wasn't worried about it. but i was so sleepy and idk. 20 minutes in i started genuinely tweaking and worrying about frankie cause she was back at the apartment in dc and we were at my uncle's house across the river. i was like losing it like so paranoid that she was going to maybe even die of fright or something idk. ive been having little episodes like this once every few months or so for the past couple of years. about completely random things. anyways we got home and frankie was completely happy and oblivious. never been better. she's very low anxiety and partially deaf. not a care in the world. why do i tweak idk.

these fireworks are un fucking real