i don't think women should renounce the virtues of kindness, patience, and compassion just because they are expected of us. i have seen some people on here claim that gender nonconformity is always positive; they seem to think that liberation for women means becoming just like men. cruelty and aggression are "gender nonconforming" for us, but to aspire towards them simply for nonconformity's sake means hinging your values on the patriarchal assumption that "masculinity" is superior and "femininity" is inferior. but grouping traits into these categories and assigning value to them based on that grouping is regressive in itself.
a lot of feminists correctly see that the expectation of kindness is used to keep women passive; we should aggressively champion and defend ourselves in our interactions with men, even if it upsets them. my problem is with women who take this attitude and apply it to their interactions with other women, especially within feminist spaces. kindness and grace are good, prosocial qualities, and deficiency in them is one of "masculinity's" weaknesses. instead of abandoning them entirely, women should redirect their compassionate energies away from men and toward each other. ironically, the feminists who antagonize other women instead of approaching disagreements with patience and civility are indeed conforming to a common "feminine" stereotype: that women are catty mean girls who are incapable of getting along.
