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what if it was called magic the slathering and it was about lotions and ointments

my pet theory is that there is a fairly significant percentage of people with brains primed for analysis of one kind or another but who lack the necessary framework to do so in a productive and meaningful way. maybe they grew up in an area with little educational opportunities or struggled in the conventional modern school system. no shame in any of that since no one is born with an innate understanding of ontology and epistemology but it does mean that a lot of people are the equivalent of an understimulated border collie in a studio apartment, brainpower-wise. and sometimes you see someone neck deep in meaningless internet discourse and it’s like please pick up a philosophy textbook you will love it i promise

i love having a corporeal form. i love eating warm food on cold days. i love taking hot showers. i love sleeping on clean sheets. i delight in earthly decadence. i wake up and eat warm bread slathered in butter. i own multiple pairs of soft fuzzy socks. this body is so comfy and i'm not returning it any time soon

Babe it's decomposing

and yet i am NOT DONE USING IT

REANIMATE REUSE RECYCLE

there's something about morticia and gomez, miss piggy and kermit, howl and sophie that is not at all cishet. at their core they're for gay people

Don't forget Jesse and James

just pirated my ethics textbook. was this wrong of me? who’s to say. i’ll find out soon enough

[Image description: Eleanor from The Good Place with a speech bubble photoshopped on so it looks like she's saying the reblogged text]

Insert obligatory “hug of 87” joke or something like that here

You listen to music regularly? Why? Have you even tried quitting? Could you quit? You get music stuck in your head? Wow. You're so ruined and music brained. I bet you make your partners listen to music with you when you have sex. Music addiction has really ruined a whole generation. You know it's not realistic to expect reverb in real life, right? You're probably so desensitized that you don't even feel anything anymore when you hear a bird singing that it wants some fuck.

Jabberwocks are starting to really intrude on the territory of the Snallygaster and crowd them out. Please report when you see them and help preserve our American monsters!

Biologists prefer the term “fearsome critters”, just FYI. They resemble monsters but only due to convergent evolution.