it must have been equally terrifying for her as it was for the real nikki to have someone else fight for control over what she perceived as her body. the scene where she's sobbing in the corner, terrified of her dreams is now more sad than terrifying to me. real nikki, who has just been raped by her once best friend hurting so badly that it seeps into entity!nikki's nightmares. entity!nikki who doesn't understand why the thing she wanted so badly is causing her so much pain. why she can't bring herself to lie in bed next to the man who is the center of her world.

and the worst part is bear doesn't even seem to like her. she's trying so so hard; she made a lovely memorial for his dead cat, she waited for him to come home all day without moving an inch, she made sure to be the most doting girlfriend at the party, and he's not pleased by any of it. he seems disturbed and angry and scared and she has no idea what to do to make it better. to make it worse, he keeps asking her to behave like the original nikki but he was the one who wished for her!! she can't be like nikki because nikki was simply not capable of loving bear even a fraction of how much she does!

she can't seem to reconcile it; he wanted her so badly he conjured her into reality and now he doesn't want her anymore. she doesn't know what to do. she tries everything. she obsesses over him, she threatens to hurt herself, she gets rid of that bitch sarah who keeps distracting him and trying to steal him away, and then dresses in her clothes for good measure and he still doesn't want her.

and then finally in a fit of desperation, she makes the wish and for one beautiful moment its all perfect. he's finally looking at her the way she looks at him. and then he's dead and she's lost everything.

this rest of the thread continues after the third tweet from the reblog.

like THE FULL THREAD is genuinely so reassuring.

sometimes, it is not enough to just know, sometimes you might need that reassurance of "do you really think of me when i'm away?" and someone reassuring you that yeah, they do. and evaluate that! trust that! just like op did.

and then learning that ykw, it's NOT any of my business really. and finding comfort in that trust that like. whether they are or aren't thinking of me, they really do love me.

He very quietly said "I don't really know what to say. I tell you you're beautiful all the time and hearing you talk like this makes it feel like you don't really believe me" I'm not 100% sure, but I think his voiced cracked like he was getting emotional.

That made EVERYTHING shift around me and I felt AWFUL for centering my misery and not even considering that there was another party involved in my relationship with my body and my self-image. I wasn't letting his love in. I wasn't intentionally disbelieving him, but I WAS doing it.

From that moment on I promised him to believe him when I asked him about my appearance. It's made a MASSIVE difference in my self-confidence. If I'm not sure about an outfit, I just ask him "Do you think this looks good?" And if he says yes, I say "okay!" And then I don't think about it beyond that.

I'm not saying "your opinion about your body doesn't matter, just ignore it and listen to other people's opinions instead." I'm saying you can't see yourself the way the people who love you do. Your partner(s), your friends, your siblings, etc. The people we love and surround ourselves with become a mirror that reflects the most-adored parts of us that we can't otherwise see.

It's only fair that we believe them to be honest with us when they express that love. Your friend isn't just placating you when she says you look amazing in that outfit. Believe her.

I didn't realize until that moment in the shower that I could choose to believe my partner and take away so many doubts and fears. I no longer spend all day fussing with my outfit and worrying about how a garment sits. I choose to believe that when he says I look great, I do in fact look great and I don't need to care beyond that.