ethel cain's "am I making you feel sick" but its entity!nikki doing everything she can to get bear to love her back, only for him to look at her in horror and disgust. can someone please make the edit

I sound so negative when I say this but it's better to be negative and realistic vs optimistic and a naive fucking idiot: lie about your sexuality. it is okay. you do not have a responsibility to queer activism when it is actively putting your own safety at risk, and affecting your life negatively. you're allowed to weigh the benefits. you're allowed to realize that it would be better if they perceived you as straight because you've seen what happens to you when you're open and out. just because they aren't openly homophobic does not mean they cannot do worse to you. learn this lesson. you have so many things you want to do with your life. you cannot singlehandedly change the way they perceive queer people. you owe yourself the chance to achieve your dreams. it is okay. it is okay!

anyways im so very done throwing myself a pity party. ive learned my lessons etc etc. I kind of dont need to give anyone access to me or my private life unless they've really really earned it. is it really worth having a 'friend' when they'll ditch you to side with a man who deserves a harassment charge? I think not! also surface level relationships are totally fine and good and do not get you fucked over!

I think going through a university experience in a college where the gender ratio was HEAVILY skewed toward male, and seeing how that impacted friendships w all genders, really changes you as a person. like when your classroom is 70% male, that ratio trickles into your friend groups as well. you would like to think that when a man harasses you, and his buddies gather with him like a fucking ratking, you'd at least have your female friends to take your side. but that is rarely ever the case. I can't even fault them for it. it is every advantage to take his side where you gain friendship and social standing and all the opportunities that come with that vs sticking with the girl who will now be ostracized for speaking up and isolated for saying no to mr. popular. well actually no, I do fault them for it because it is purely due to this that the patriarchy and all the misogyny that comes along with it continues to be reinforced. it sucks being raised with these ideas of girlhood, how you'll be the only ones to have eachother's backs and see in real time how, with all evidence stacked against him, they side with the man. I deeply wish none of those women ever have to experience this but it fucking changed me as a person. girlhood is not fucking real.

one last thing I have to say is hellers dismissing jensen's opinion of dean saying he's a conservative white man raised with homophobic values that were a product of his time and sure .... but you think dean was not? have you consumed so much fic where dean is a woke leftist who's flamboyant and waves around a pride flag that its rotted your brain into thinking the actual character is like that in canon?? dean is a piece of shit who might not be outright homophobic but will definitely react with deep offense if suggested he might be into men. very much like how jensen reacts LMAO except worse.

begging hellers to consume actual queer media instead of harping on jensen to confirm that baity, half-assed, shoehorned in confession as reciprocal. their logic is constantly 'you're taking away this big moment from queer fans"'when they actually should be thinking 'why am i as a queer person getting my representation from fuckign supernatural' . it is simply not a good enough show to be doing all this about idk

tuning into spn news after a while today was so funny bc what do you mean jensen publicly dunked on hellers in 2026??? what do you mean they're STILL harassing him about his opinion on a ship he's been saying for ten years he didn't play as romantic lmaoo also I saw that transcript of the jm panel and whew. m/isha really does sing a different tune when hes around jensen huh?? love that fan throwing it back in his face like "no actually, you said that dean reciprocated" and m/isha fumbling around for an excuse. just pure comedy

love that feeling when you watch/read something incredibly compelling and original and it drives you to Create ... obsession did that for me because its such a well thought out story that knows what it wants to do and does it perfectly. its the right length and there are no filler scenes and maybe im gassing it up too much or remembering it through rose colored glasses but nothing has made me want to write as much as this movie in a long time.