I’m actually gonna go ahead and link to 5031 just to try to encourage even one more person to enjoy what’s got to be one of the greatest literary achievements of the past decade.

man you know what? fuck you. [turns you into a fromsoft level up maiden -- and YES you're barefoot]

Thoust have done me a great unkindness. So, for such a transgression, you will take my hand and kneel in supplication for mine services. And yes, thine camera will be directly upon my feet.

this happened to me in 2017, and I thought true love's kiss would turn me back but it just upgraded their estus flask

I’ve tried a few porn games, but all they have such bad user design. so like one of the games was a platformer, I thought okay, I used to play mario, this’ll be no problem. WRONG. I couldn’t even get through the first level. two straight hours of missing the same jumps and near sobbing about it. at what point am I supposed to get horny? I can’t even reach the naked demon lady because I CANNOT! MAKE! THE JUMPS! so I try another game about seducing milfs. you need to clean the milf’s house to make her like you. okay, I have limited energy per in-game day, so I vacuum her house, I tidy her magazines, I clean her dishes, I go to sleep. this repeats for days. the milf still doesn’t like me. why?? I’ve spent real hours of my life vacuuming her digital floor. why won’t the milf fall in love with me? what am I doing? what am I doing?

idk why young people knotting is seen as a loser or antisocial thing tbh when i do it in public people seem happy to see it and sometimes they even stop to talk to me about it it's genuinely swret. okay now before i press post i want it to be known i noticed the typo just in the nick of time but decided to leave it anyway for the same reason some people keep the bullet that killed them as a memento of what couldve been for the rest of their lives

remember when hilary duff put a scorpion in her pussy

Why am I finding out just today that Salvador Dali designed the Chupa Chups logo

this getting a lot of notes has been very funny because going by the tags, 95% of people who reblogged this either never unmuted the video or just didn’t acknowledge the music choice

Pokédex: dreadnaw, the BITE Pokemon! A water and rock type. And I don’t- I don’t know?

Powokedex: Drednyaw, DA BITE Powokemon! A wata and wock type UwU. And I dwon’t- I dwon’t know? ÓwÒ

Pokemon Heritage Post

I read a thinkpiece that characterised not identifying by your assigned gender as being equivalent to refusing an inheritance, and I'm thinking shit, imagine if it actually worked that way. Some weird old relative you only ever see at Christmas dies under mysterious and implausible circumstances and leaves you their gender in the will.

#naturally it turns out the gender is haunted#but you have to live in it for a year as a condition of inheriting their ill-gotten fortune

#on rare occasion humanity misses homestuck and reinvents the plot of pact