gale, fi/fir/firs/firself and he/they. fandom and aesthetic blogger, rarely tagging, adhd, and bisexual. swimmer for almost six years. biology and history student.
partnered with @admiringtheskies and @acronicaltemptest to be the most annoying person ever lowkey
ever after high enthusiast, five hargreeves enthusiast, bungou stray dogs bastard, mxtx/danmei (unfortunate cumplane stan, they have never done anything wrong ever and u can meet me behind the denny's at four am), bnha/mha lover (bkdk <3), merlin, and so into percy jackson that i've written over 100 works for the pjo fandom (lukercy enthusiast, in all the ways two characters can be put together). creating ocs for both fandom and og fiction. reader of fanfiction and writer of fanfiction and original fiction, and general menace to society.
will queer your characters (threat) <3
ao3's nightingale231, sometimes post on my writing blog @ravenstakeflight but mostly here. can get very annoying about a new fandom.
if anyone asks me about my og fiction i will scream and cry and be so happy,,,,,
mostly reblog things.
tag menu under cut:
original fiction tags:
monn dii, a story about a man who finds himself back in his hometown after over a decade away, coming face-to-face with the living ghosts he left behind (and the ex-boyfriend that left him for dead.)
(included here are my #oc: hrun deshe and my oc: volaan dem cass tags.)
charmsinger, a story about a woman left unmoored after her last rites. desperate to find safety, she runs for the other side of the mountain-
and falls in love.
(included here are my #oc: saia wo'den, my oc: ralor wo'den, and my #oc: helios tags.)
fanfiction tags:
letters!verse: a lukercy story about hurt and unwilling redemption and love through and despite and because of it all.
hhpeu: the huan hua palace extended universe, exploring the lives of my ocs leong lili and leong tianyi and their relationship to the wider world of svsss at large
[TO BE UPDATED] [BECAUSE NO ONE ASKS ABT MY FANFIC LMAO]
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I remember one time I was doing an ADHD evaluation with a kid who had asked to go to the bathroom like 3 times during the 30-ish minute part of the interview where we asked his mom questions, so I knew that was his go-to excuse when bored. We get started on the WISC-V after the interview and within 30 seconds of vocab starting he asks if he can go to the bathroom, and I say:
“No.”
And this kid rolls his eyes because DUH and he says “Why not?” all cranky-styles, so I said
“Because you don’t need to go to the bathroom, you’re bored and you need to move. If you need to move, tell me and I’ll let you know if we’re at a part of the test where we can pause. Like, for example, we can pause right now if you wanna race me around the building.”
And this kids face fucken LIT up. We did three laps around the outside of the building and came back in and he finished like 3 subtests and asked if he could move so we got up and tried to see how high we could jump for 3 minutes and the finished the rest of the assessment with one bathroom break. And that was all it took tbh, this kid was SO capable he just needed to move and hadn’t been allowed to do so before. I also like making people mad by pointing out that I know what they’re up to, then just giving them permission to do the thing they were sneakily trying to do in the first place. It’s like being affectionately annoying and it’s part of how I connect to others.
just like, if there's a history at your institution of disabled kids not being able to make it you realise that's your fault right. like why don't you fucking do something about it. i guess they tried to do something about it with me and it failed so they let me go. crazy. nice work. why should we try to do any better.
only 5% of people with adhd who go to college finish a degree. FUCKING. FIVE!!! PERCENT!!!!!!!!!!!
that should disgust and enrage you.
if any other demographic of students had a 95% failure rate, we would be demanding reform and studies to understand why that’s happening
when i was at my first university, trying to get accommodations for my ADHD, they just kept asking me what accommodations i wanted, and refused to answer when i would ask what was available to me. how the Hell am i supposed to know what i can have? what’s available???? also, i don’t know!!!! i’m an adhd sufferer, not a fucking disability expert for the fucking college, unlike you, DISABILITY EXPERT WHO WORKS FOR THE COLLEGE.
but because the us is OBSESSED with making sure no one gets anything “”for free””, she literally would not tell me what my options were until i broke down in tears and asked her why she was refusing to help me. and then she did a big sigh, like i was fucking up her entire career by *checks notes* asking the disability center in my university to help me, a disabled student
at the second uni i went to, i tried to explain to a dean that i was literally two gen eds that had nothing to do with my degree away from graduating and that i was burnt out and broke and exhausted and suicidal and i just needed to be able to finish my degree without the gen eds. and this. fucking. guy. looked me right in my face and said in the most patronizing tone he could muster “if you can’t handle it, then maybe college just isn’t for you.” keep in mind that up until that semester, i had been an honor student who made Dean’s List every semester and didn’t get below Bs. if it hadn’t been for my mental breakdown, i would have graduated cum laude, maybe even summa cum laude.
but this dean of students looked a disabled person right in the face and said well i guess you just can’t do it, short bus
Pulled these from a couple articles really quick but yeah the statistics are not kind. I remember writing a scathing essay about my issues with ADHD and college as part of an assignment for academic probation. I got back an email calling me entitled and lazy. Somehow, this thread helps me feel a lot better. I still have about a semester of school unfinished that I’m unsure if I’ll finish but… yeah. Makes me feel better to know it’s not just me.
PSA: The Job Accommodation Network maintains a searchable database of accommodation suggestions for a wide variety of disabilities.
The full database can be accessed here and the ADHD page is here. The full database can be filtered by disability, by limitation, by work-related function, by topic, and by accommodation. Many of these accommodations are applicable to academic settings as well as the workplace.
Here are the section headers for ADHD accommodations ideas to give an overview of what the page contains - this post would become Do You Love the Color of the Accommodation if I attempted to list them all here
The ADHD page linked above also includes case examples and strategies for determining what sort of accommodations might be necessary. More broadly, the JAN website as a whole is a treasure trove of information related to the Americans with Disabilities Act and resources for both individuals and employers.
The head of disability accommodations at my college just kept ablesplaining to me that “accommodations are to level the playing field, not give you an advantage,” and that her job is to “protect the school’s rights” rather than help disabled students. The only accommodations they would offer me were 1. extra time on tests, and 2. an alternative test-taking location - neither of which I needed. I ended up getting (most of) what I actually needed by unofficially asking the individual professors, but it should have been legally protected.
Dang. I feel better about spending 9 years knocking about college. Admittedly, I emerged with many degrees instead of just one, but the one I needed for later work life was the one that I struggled to get.
I wish there was something like this when I was at uni. Even knowing that I *could* ask for help wasn't something I knew when I was 18.
I got the idea that the struggle was the point but ☝️ looking at that list, I was rawdogging the "executive functioning deficits" with panic and anxiety.
Fuck me. Help with Managing my Time, help with Organizing/Planning/Prioritizing (exactly what I never learned to to at school or home)?
I grieve our misused, misdirected, underutilized potential.
What we coulda done with just a little goddamm help.
The upside to the adhd forgetting that you made yourself a drink thing is thinking to yourself “man I could go for a drink right now” and looking to your right and seeing a drink has appeared there. Thank you, past me. I lost you somewhere but you have still provided.
Me: *walks past the kitchen, sees buns on the table — but they're just the ends and crumbs I saved for the birds *
Me: * looks at the bun, glances at the fridge to make sure there are more buns inside (They're on top) *
Me: Hmm. I thought I had another bun for a sandwich. Decently should stay for one more
Brain: Oh no — we used it all
Me: Okay.
*Half an hour later — I walk through the kitchen toward my bag to throw out some papers.*
Me: *sees an empty mayo packet in the trash — gets a flashback of squeezing it out*
Me: ... wait. Did we make a sandwich?
Brain: hmmm. Let see *digs through memory — gets a flashback that we did make a sandwich.* Yep we did it
Me: This is a new trash bag. It's only been here a few hours. Wait — did we make a sandwich recently?
Brain: *tries to build a timeline*
Brain: Noo... wait. Yes — we definitely threw it away right after making it. Look!
*Flashback of me squeezing out the mayo, sighing that it's the last one, and immediately walking to the trash to throw it out. So it didn't just sit on the counter.*
Me: Hmm. So we made a sandwich in the last few hours. But did we eat it or not? I don't think I had a sandwich today.
Brain: ... Hmm... Here's a flashback! We're eating a sandwich. And yes — the time matches! About an hour ago! Look — you can see the clock and the sunlight! Answer: we ate it an hour ago!
Me: *stares carefully at the flashback* I'm wearing yesterday's clothes. This didn't even happen today.
Brain: *checks the date on the flashback, rewinds the mental tape to look at the timestamp* ah. Sorry.
Me: *stands in the kitchen for almost two minutes, just squinting at the wall.*
Me: I couldn't have, could I? Really? How is this possible. I mean... ah.
Me: Okay. Let me check.
.
.
Walks to the microwave and opens it.
Inside — my sandwich.
Cold.
.
Me: *pokes it with a finger * why did we forget about it?
Brain: *grumbles and searches... * oh. I found the right memories.
A sequence of shots — me, hungry, putting down a book and going to make a sandwich. Prep: sausage, mayo, cheese, the last pieces of bun. Putting it in the microwave for two minutes. A cat distracts me. She wants food. I feed the cats. Notice one of them has a matted clump in her fur. Wait for her to finish eating. Carry her to the room to untangle it. When it's done — I sit back down to continue my book. On the way — I decide to grab an apple. Then — three hours later — I walk past the kitchen and notice the bun for the birds... And then...
Me: Aha. Stop. Thanks i see
I put the sandwich back in to heat up — and wait for it to finish. Standing in front of the microwave. Watching it.To make sure I actually eat it.
Brain: So — can I go now?
Me: Yeah, yeah — but next time, remind me that I'm hungry
Brain: I'm not the one who ate an apple and turned off the alarm!
Me: You noticed it and made the decision !
Brain: Actually — it was instinct who noticed!
Instinct: Don't drag me into this. We were hungry — and there was food right there. What was I supposed to do? Let us die from starfing?! Apple was right there!!
Me: It wasn't right there. You had to stand up and walk to the apple. And then the brain should have made a decision.
Brain: No, no — look — we moved the fruit bowl closer to the couch yesterday.
Me: ?? Wait — really?
Me: *goes to check where the fruit bowl is* hmm. Indeed.
Looks at the apples — ... what do you think — should we make something with apples? I feel like apple puree. I want puree
Brain: * claps happily* what a wonderful idea! I want puree too! Let me get the recipe book and see what we need...
Me: *takes the apples to the kitchen — starts pulling out pots for puree*
Brain: * continues quietly mumbling, looking at what utensils would work. Etc. * — wait!
Me: *freeze* what?
Brain: The microwave finished
......
I think the most important problem with my ADHD is — I remember things.
I just forget their context and timeline.
Sometimes it feels like I have to ask my brain to bring me a specific memory — and it just hands me a cut‑up tape with video. Sometimes the quality is terrible — and the tape needs special processing to see the details.
Sometimes you need technical info — but it accidentally spilled tea on the description — the letters blurred — and now you have to take it to a special department in your head — where special birds restore all the technical info by flying through memories and conducting forensic investigations.
Also — every flashback plays out like watching a VHS tape. Especially the sound at the beginning.
Another quirk — I picture my brain as a round, slightly chubby lecturer. A middle‑aged man with small square glasses. A beige sweater — and a dark brown vest. The vest has animal patterns that can move and change.He also fusses a lot over the projector — and comments on every action I take.
(And here me looking more like Emilia Clarke, but not so beautiful)
He loves salted popcorn.
And yes — it's very easy to get distracted by mental debates — and forget what you're doing at a given moment — because the conversation in your head has already gone somewhere else.
Recipe for my sandwich:
Spread mayo on bread. Add sausage (or meat). Add cheese. Lots of cheese. Add spices — salt, garlic, pepper. Optional additions to taste — green onion, tomato, lettuce.
Cover with the other slice of bread.
Microwave for two minutes.
Or any time that makes your cheese just slightly melted.
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everyone tells me that ADHD isn't an excuse for being lazy and that there are people with ADHD who have overcome their symptoms and are successful but every day I drag around an invisible dopplegänger of myself who is horrible and listless and always complains. and he is so heavy. I'm ambitious and I'm passionate but he isn't and the problem is that to get anywhere in life I have to grab him by the leg and pull him along the whole way, kicking and screaming, and sometimes it gets exhausting. sometimes he pulls me down with him. and it gets a bit difficult to explain to people why I'm lying down on the floor in pain when they can't see him.
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when the persona you made eats you; when the performance youve been putting on eats you; when the name they gave you eats you; when the image people made of you eats you; when the role you were assigned eats you; when the you that other people see or even made for you or you made for them takes over the you that you know and eats you alive.
[insert cool joke here] @fixation-central - Tumblr Blog | Tumlook
