i'm a nightbird, useless by day!

the last time I reblogged this post right before I got a great job, in a permanent work-from-home position, with benefits, retirement, and a salary literally 3x what I was making before, doing something I really like. 

So you know. 

ITS GREAT LAKES AWARENESS DAY!!!!!

On this excellent day, be aware that this is the largest group of freshwater lakes in the world, covering over 95,000 square miles and reaching depths of over a thousand feet. They are beautiful freshwater seas.

and that's not to say that the other Great Lakes aren't equally dangerous! each of these things earned the 'Great' descriptor for a reason, and the only reason they aren't all classified as inland seas is because they're not salty.

Lake Michigan in particular is really good at creating waterlogged corpses and hiding them in weird places, and every single Great Lake is full of shipwrecks and ghost stories.

and you know what? 10/10 I would let these things eat me anyways.

Senate: oh…hey…how did he get here?

Mark Antony: Senators, what did you do?

Senate: Us? Uh, we didn’t do this?

Mark Antony: Explain what happened, senators!

Senate: we’ve never seen him before in our lives!

Mark Antony: why did you kill this consul, senators?

Senate: we do not kill people. that is… that is our least favourite thing to do.

Mark Antony: tell me, senators, exactly what you were doing before I got here.

Senate: alright, well… we were upstairs…

Mark Antony:…okay…

Senate: we were uh…we were sitting in the senate house…

Mark Antony: yes?

Senate: reading some scrolls…

Mark Antony: Go on…

Senate: and, uh, well this dictator walked in…

Mark Antony: Okay…

Senate: so, we went up to him…

Mark Antony: Yes…

Senate: And we…we stabbed him 23 times in the chest.

Mark Antony: Senators, that KILLS people!

Senate: OH! Well, we didn’t know that!

Mark Antony: How could you not know that?!

- the menu at a restaurant is not an ingredient list you can use to create new dishes we could hypothetically make for you instead of the choices on the menu

- we do not have omelets on the menu because we do not make or serve omelets

- yes, i know we have eggs on the menu, but we still do not have omelets.

- yes, i realize omelets are eggs, but not all eggs are omelets, and the eggs we serve are not omelets.

- you cannot out-logic me so that i cave in and ring in an omelet for you. i am better at arguing than you are.

- there are no omelets here. there have not been, and will not be, omelets here. if you want an omelet you will need to go somewhere else.

- i can also promise that you do not want an omelet cooked by line cooks who have not been trained how to make omelets. because we don't sell omelets.

- no, i am not going to single-handedly put service on pause for the next twenty minutes while three cooks google how to make an omelet and then proceed to fuck up multiple omelets that our kitchen is not set up to prepare, so you can have an omelet.

-and we both know you'd bitch if it takes longer than six minutes to come out anyway.

- no, you may not just go back into the kitchen and make yourself an omelet. the line cooks do not take kindly to trespassing. also, what the hell.

- i hear that you want an omelet. that does not change the fact that we do not offer omelets. if you want to eat an omelet, you will need to go to another restaurant that does have omelets on the menu. this is not negotiable.

- i am the manager.