I’m not suicidal. But in this moment, I don’t think it would matter if I’m alive or not.
Monterey Bay Aquarium
cherry valley forever

#extradirty
NASA
Show & Tell

Origami Around

shark vs the universe

Janaina Medeiros
we're not kids anymore.
KIROKAZE

⁂

titsay
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

oozey mess

if i look back, i am lost
Game of Thrones Daily

Cosmic Funnies
ojovivo

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@feel-breathe-repeat
I’m not suicidal. But in this moment, I don’t think it would matter if I’m alive or not.

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follow my process and art on Instagram
- I am paying for your crimes and it’s unfair. (K. M.)
(picture version)
“Call me Survivor. It is the ugliest triumph I own, But it is mine. It is mine.”
— Brenna Twohy
a comic about trauma

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12.1.19
it's "my abuser should probably be incarcerated for the things they did to me but i have no proof and even if i did that would mean people would know, and i would have to testify in front of strangers and tell them how my abuser hurt me" hours.
My face is having uncontrollable spasms. Great. It hurts really, really, really bad.
I think part of why I have trouble explaining pain to the doctor is when they ask about the pain scale I always think “Well, if someone threw me down a flight of stairs right now or punched me a few times, it would definitely hurt a lot more” so I end up saying a low number. I was reading an article that said that “10” is the most commonly reported number and that is baffling to me. When I woke up from surgery with an 8" incision in my body and I could hardly even speak, I was in the most horrific pain of my life but I said “6” because I thought “Well, if you hit me in the stomach, it would be worse.”
I searched and searched for the post this graphic was from, and the OP deactivated, but I kept the graphic, because my BFF does the same thing, uses her imagination to come up with the worst pain she can imagine and pegs her “10″ there, and so is like, well, I’m conscious, so this must be a 5, and then the doctors don’t take her seriously. (And she then does things like driving herself to the hospital while in the process of giving birth. Probably should have called an ambulance for that one!)
So I found this and sent it to her. Because this is what they want to know: how badly is this pain affecting you? Not on a scale of “nothing” to “how I’d imagine it’d feel if bears were eating my still-living guts while I was on fire”.
I hate reposting stuff, but I’ll never find that post again and OP is deactivated, so, here’s a repost. I can delete this later, i just wanted to get it to you and I can’t embed images in a chat or an ask.
This is possibly why it took several weeks to diagnose my fractured spine.
Pain Scale transcription:
10 - I am in bed and I can’t move due to my pain. I need someone to take me to the emergency room because of my pain.
9 - My pain is all that I can think about. I can barely move or talk because of my pain.
8 - My pain is so severe that it is difficult to think of anything else. Talking and listening are difficult.
7 - I am in pain all the time. It keeps me from doing most activities.
6 - I think about my pain all of the time. I give up many activities because of my pain.
5 - I think about my pain most of the time. I cannot do some of the activities I need to do each day because of the pain.
4 - I am constantly aware of my pain but can continue most activities.
3 - My pain bothers me but I can ignore it most of the time.
2 - I have a low level of pain. I am aware of my pain only when I pay attention to it.
1 - My pain is hardly noticeable.
0 - I have no pain.
It’s also really important to get this kind of scale to people who have chronic pain, because chronic pain drastically lowers your perception of how “bad” any kind of pain actually is, and yet something like this pain scale is extremely user friendly.
For example, if someone asked me how much pain I’m in at any given time, I’d say hardly any, and yet I’m apparently at a chronic 2.5, and it only goes up from there depending on the day.
There’s also a similarly useful “Fatigue Scale”
I haven’t been below a 5 on this scale for 4 years
Here’s the fatigue scale
Fatigue scale image desc:
10: can barely move; can’t talk
9: can barely move; can talk
8: can move, but can’t do much more than watch TV
7: can watch TV and play a game on my phone simultaneously
6: can do work on my computer lying in bed
5: can get around the house, but definitely couldn’t go out
4: can run a light errand
3: can get in my 10,000 steps, making my fitbit happy
2: can do three or more activities in a single day
1: going clubbing!
See also the Mental Health Pain Scale by Graceful Patient:
Mental Health Pain Scale transcription:
MILD
1 - Everything is a-okay! There is absolutely nothing wrong. You’re probably cuddling a fluffy kitten right now. Enjoy!
2 - You’re a bit frustrated or disappointed, but you’re easily distracted and cheered up with a little effort.
3 - Things are bothering you, but you’re coping. You might be overtired or hungry. The emotional equivalent of a headache.
MODERATE
4 - Today is a bad day (or a few bad days). You still have the skills to get through it, but be gentle with yourself. Use self-care strategies.
5 - Your mental health is starting to impact on your everyday life. Easy things are becoming difficult. You should talk to your doctor.
6 - You can’t do things the way you usually do them due to your mental health. Impulsive and compulsive thoughts may be hard to cope with.
SEVERE
7 - You’re avoiding things that make you more distressed, but that will make it worse. You should definitely seek help. This is serious.
8 - You can’t hide your struggles any more. You may have issues sleeping, eating, having fun, socialising, and work/study. Your mental health is affecting almost all parts of your life.
9 - You’re at a critical point. You aren’t functioning any more. You need urgent help. You may be a risk to yourself or others if left untreated.
10 - The worst mental and emotional distress possible. You can no longer care for yourself. You can’t imagine things getting any worse. Contact a crisis line immediately.
when lizzo said “self love is survival” and when hannah gadsby said “do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already exists in the margins? it’s not humility. it’s humiliation” and when mitski said “i used to rebel by destroying myself, but realized that’s awfully convenient to the world. for some of us our best revolt is self preservation”
when audre lorde said “caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare”
when Jenny Slate tweeted, “As the image of myself becomes sharper in my brain&more precious, I feel less afraid that someone else will erase me by denying me love”
“I knew what depression was. I’ve known what it was since I was at least sixteen. That was the first year in which I unequivocally wished for death: not in a melodramatic emo-kid way, but in a lumpen, constant-state-of-passive- suicidal-ideation way. I did not act out. I didn’t drink, do drugs, sleep around, or even date. I abhorred physical contact and wondered if I might be asexual; that’s how disinterested and disgusted I felt at the thought of anyone embracing me, kissing me, taking my clothes off. I was an underweight overachiever with no school spirit. “You’re so laid-back,” my friends would say. I wasn’t; I just had zero affect.”
— Suzanne Rivecca, Ugly Bitter and True

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the older I get the more dog I become
obsessed with being given affection and being told im doing a good job... losing my damn mind every time I get to go for a nice walk
TERRIFIED of the doorbell
Mary Lambert
“Who am I if I am not the after taste of abuse. The offspring of your temper and your fat white pills.”
— Sierra DeMulder, “And If I Am to Forgive You”

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Writing by Lauren Jarvis-Gibson
Brenna Twohy