All you can do is the best you can do.

The ENTIRE THING i like about this pairing in the FIRST PLACE is that they're EQUALS rhrhaghasdgkhgarhgh

and like there's nothing wrong with people writing whatever they want with one hand down their pants or whatever, that's fine and i don't judge, but this was a comment on the thing i wrote! which like, really specifically was not that! so.

ok i'm normal now. promise. (no)

Oh drop the fic link, this sounds like my shit. I appreciate when someone is like hey, you know, you're an adult here, things aren't just happening to you you're also making choices.

But the biological determinism of sex roles strikes again....The one who puts it in is in control we all know this....it says so in the bible....

Sorry I'll stop being snarky. This is such a fandom thing, it's not unique to HR at all, and I never really found a good single word for it---something like infantilization, or vulnerability kink, or woobification---but it's this intense desire to turn a character into a hurt sink who is only ever wronged, and must be comforted and aided. (This is not just a fanfic thing: the masterclass on this in the literary world is A Little Life.)

(Sorry this next bit is such an aside from your post but I got going there)

It's really fascinating actually I'd love a psych / lit class on this entire nexus of tendencies. Because I think there's kind of a spectrum where you have like, woobification on one axis and then identification on the other. So as a super simple cut you get kind of a punnet square:

high identification / high woobification: hurt comfort, you get to imagine yourself as being this weak morally pure little waif receiving care

low identification / high woobification: whump, the fascination with pain and suffering in an object

high identification / low woobification: power fantasies, competence fantasies, being able to imagine yourself as this mensch that pain bounces off of

low identification / low woobification: I think this is mostly external forces that act on the story, like a villain you as the author don't identify with but also don't sympathize with

In this fandom people are often putting Shane deeeeep in that high/high corner. Less so here on tumblr for sure but I see a lot of it via twitter.

As for *why* Shane rather than Ilya (mostly)....well I do think a huge amount of it is just top/bottom stereotype stuff. But I also think people find Ilya harder to identify with because he's foreign, and even more avoidant than Shane, and Storrie portrays him with this coldness early on that makes it easy to project a lot of strength onto him, even though with access to his internal monologue we know that Ilya is grappling with *more* insecurity than Shane is.

But yeah, I agree, there's a lot of this kind of mapping that happens in fandoms-- not just in writing but in people's analysis and reactions to a show, they do a ton of mapping characters/archetypes/plots onto ideas they already have in their mind. And yeah, Shane is definitely pegged in a spot in that punnet square that I don't think Reid intended at all.

I think you've said elsewhere, and I've certainly thought, that actually Ilya is kind of Reid's woobie, but like. She's a pretty competent writer, so by that I mean he's her guy she likes to chew on. This doesn't mean she hates Shane! She made Shane a fantastic little bitchy guy who I love a lot, and I bet you anything the fandom would feel a lot differently if they'd found literally anyone but Hudson Williams to play him. Because Williams is beautiful, yes, and also has these beautiful wet eyes, yes. I do think he added a ton to the role, really added some nuance in some places, and I love his beautiful wet eyes and his perfectly transcendent pout. But. yeah. If they'd found someone who was less gorgeous I am certain people would have a very different read on the character.

The Baltic States have yet to receive acknowledgement for the horrors that happened here from ones that did this to us, let alone an apology.

The Baltic States have yet to receive acknowledgement for the horrors that happened here from ones that did this to us, let alone an apology.

LOT of thoughts about this thus far...

the (lack of) faces. ?????? rn i just don't get it, but i've already talked to people who viscerally despise it

WHY ARE THEY ALL WHITE IF YOU'RE AIMING FOR DIVERSITY ? pleeeease this is so basic. and i see nary a wrinkle!! where is age in this equation?

fascinating that the CI is pushing boundaries lately that even university museums are ignoring... & honestly, even if they're fumbling, I respect Bolton for it. i mean, i don't respect the lagerfeld retrospective, but between Superfine, Women Dressing Women, Camp...it's a good trend.

"we're gonna reuse the mannequins in future exhibits" ok hmm. some of them, sure. (the sinead burke one is already a reuse from Women Dressing Women.) On the other hand, the white-corset one?? HYPER-specific body shape there. And the larger ones...sure, they're realistic, but the ideal museum mannequin is one that is not only specific to an era's silhouette but also able to be used for multiple garments, styles, etc. These really can't be used for anything but 21st c. stretch clothing. (the bust isn't even uplifted for a bra, for ex.) Very limiting. I don't see these being used for historical dress at all :( (Ideally, they would make mannequins that have thinner bodies & thicker necks, arms, etc. so that you could pad out the torso to exactly what is needed and the external bits would match in thickness!)

i LOVE seeing the chiuri suit on a fat mannequin! solid yay. would love if they have more info about any 1940s uses on larger bodies, since that's the New Look Bar Suit.

Also excited to see michaela stark stuff!

I am really curious what the narrative here is going to be, esp. as there seem to be different sections - "pregnant body," "corpulent body" etc. How is that going to relate to "Costume Art" ?????

Addendum to prev: One big issue I had with Sleeping Beauties was that the main exh theme seemed very disconnected to most of what was actually in the exh. I am...sensing that that might happen again.

What do you mean, most mannequins are a size 2? I know that sizes aren't standardized, but most fashion mannequins are a 24" waist - size 0. The kyoto mannequins are between 20" and 0", depending. (waist cutouts.) What are you talking about, Bolton?? what am i missing? oh, you know what, i bet it's the bust size

i hope they asked emma mcclendon (who has published abt mannequins & diversity and did the 2017-18 body exhibition at MFIT) to consult.

“All the Ba-zooms Go”: Industry Ideals and the Aesthetics of Size in Dress Collections (2024), an article in Dress that specifically deals with the Costume Institute and Diana Vreeland's curatorial legacy re: body ideals and fatphobia

a chapter in Fashion’s Missing Masses: The representation of marginalized populations in collections and exhibitions of dress (2026) on the presence of plus-size clothing in museum collections in the US as well as the fatphobia in curation. this one opens with a discussion of the plus-size mannequin in Women Dressing Women

both are derived from my MA thesis, Fat By The Wayside: Size Exclusion in Collections and Exhibitions of Dress (2022) which includes several hundred pages of interviews with museum professionals about this topic & their experiences. I wrote it 5-6 years ago and it got less editing so it's a little rougher, but hey, it's free to read!

Enjoy.

For example, a couple years ago, while learning Spanish, I encountered the word for a store, "la tienda." I thought "huh, that's a lot like tener (tiene) - the word for store in Spanish literally corresponds to 'to have/keep'. How interesting!"

"I wrote a eulogy for my best friend last week. Then I read it to him. At the pub. On a Tuesday."

He was alive, holding a pint, looking at me like I'd lost my mind. Maybe I have.

I'm Mick. I'm 70. The man across the table was Barry. Seventy-two. Best mate for 46 years. Met on a building site in 1979. He dropped a plank on my foot. I called him something unrepeatable. He bought me a pint after the shift. Haven't gone a week without talking since.

Three months ago we went to a funeral. Bloke we'd worked with. Cancer. The eulogies were beautiful - people saying what he meant to them, things they'd clearly never said to his face. And all I could think was, he can't hear any of this.

Every beautiful sentence. Every "he changed my life." Said to a room of crying people and a box of wood.

I turned to Barry. Whispered, "What a waste."

Drove home. Couldn't sleep. Because I realised, if Barry died tomorrow, I'd stand up and say extraordinary things about this man. Things I've never said in 46 years. And he'd be in the box, missing all of it.

So I wrote them down. Took a week. Harder than expected - not finding the words, but admitting I had them.

Rang him. "Tuesday. The Crown. Need to read you something."

"Have you joined a book club?"

"Just come."

Same corner table. Pint of bitter. Crisps. I pulled out the paper. He saw my hands shake.

"Mick. What's this?"

"Your eulogy. I'm reading it now because I'm not wasting it on a day you can't hear it."

"Have you gone mad?"

"Probably. Shut up and listen."

I read it. In a pub. To a man very much alive and very much uncomfortable.

I told him about the plank and how it was the best injury of my life. About the night he drove forty minutes in rain to help change a tyre. About how he rang every day for three months after my divorce and never once asked "Are you alright?" - just talked about football and weather, because he knew I didn't need a question. I needed a voice.

I told him he was the funniest man I'd ever known and his jokes were terrible and both things were true. That he'd been a better father than he thinks. That his wife's a saint and he knows it. That I'd have been a worse man without him.

He didn't look at me. Stared at his pint. Jaw tight. Doing that thing men do when the feelings arrive and they'd rather swallow glass than show it.

When I finished, long silence. Then he picked up his pint, took a sip, and said,

"You're paying for the next round. And the one after."

That was his answer. Perfect. Because Barry doesn't say "I love you too." He says "you're buying."

But in the car park, he hugged me. Not the quick back-pat. A real one. Thirty seconds. Neither let go first.

And he said quietly into my shoulder, "Don't read that again at the real one. I want new material."

Who would you write a eulogy for - while they're still here?

Don't wait. The flowers can't hear. The box doesn't laugh. Say it now. At the pub. Over a bad cup of tea. You'll feel ridiculous.

They'll look uncomfortable. It'll be the most important thing you've ever done.

Read them the speech while they can still hug you in the car park.”

Rain

by Peter Everwine (1930-2018), Published 2008

"What even is riding? What is governer general? So many weird English words. Don't get me started on history. Why do I have to remember there was strike in Winnipeg a hundred years ago? Was Scott Hunter there?"

The clip goes somewhat viral, but it doesn't spread far until he's doing a post-game interview where one reporter, after asking their question about the game, asks, "Where does the name 'Canada' come from?"

"What?"

The reporter kind of embarresedly repeats, "Where does the word 'Canada' come from? It's on the Canadian citizenship test."

Ilya stares blankly for a moment then says, slowly, "It means village, I think. From Indigenous language? Why are you asking questions from citizenship test?"

The reporter shrugs. "You said you were having dfficulty studying for the test. Maybe it helps with studying?"

And THAT clip goes viral along with the first. It starts a trend of reporters asking questions from the Discover Canada study guide whenever the opportunity arises. It starts as a bit, but soon people get in invested and genuinely want to see Ilya pass his citizenship test. Fans start asking him questions from the study guide too, whenever they meet him at official events or out and about.

yeah yeah i took an unintentional hiatus because farm stuff and no time and little internet. the bigger work is still stuck, sorta lodged sideways ever-given-style in the suez canal of my mind, but here is not quite a crackfic that I have inevitably taken too seriously.

I kept trying to get other people to write this premise and nobody quite did, so here's Shane Hollander taking Ilya Rozanov's word for it about his dick size, and maybe over-preparing.

Nine, on AO3

okay so ilya can read shane like a book, which is no surprise. this boy, with his upbringing? would be able to spot an emotion from a mile away. this boy has a masters degree in microexpressions and he would have graduated at the age of like, eight. the tempo of the tapping fingers on the bench, the weight of footfalls on the floorboards, the "is their bed made today?", "is he wearing his rings today?", the "she didn't hug me as tight and he shut the door just a bit too loudly and fuck i don't want to come home from hockey practice," because reading the room is surviving it.

that boy's every breath was inextricably tied to the unpredictable beast of one, nay, two, angry men and a desperately sad woman. there was no room left for him to expand.

enter ilya freshly, what, 17? hockey prodigy, safe from family-induced suffocation by 4000 odd miles. he's a pro. he clocks shane in about as long as it takes for him to light his fourth cigarette. he sees the freckles and that gay panic and he thinks, im going to have some fun.

and he clocks him again and again. he sees shane so well, he sees the perfectionism, he sees the pressure he sees the anxiety and the discomfort and the head-down-ass-up-yearning to get cracked and is blind only to the fact that shane could possibly see something worth more than hotel room fucks in him. 

but over time? over years and years? the weight of seeing is heavy. particularly when it's not, well, reciprocated? at least not to the same extent. shane's particular brand of issues lend themselves to a kind of self-centredness that just does not give way to picking up on those microexpressions like ilya does. ilya has to reach that point of vulnerability (which is so utterly torturous for an avoidant) where he has to actually say the shit out loud, before Shane really notices and kicks himself into gear. that shit is heavyyyyy.

i think yes, not being anticipated in the way ilya has a 30-year endowed chair professorship in Clocking it Studies does hurt. to some extent hypervigilance is an implicit cry for someone else to be as careful with you as you are with the world

and also! shane is without an agenda or assumptions or intuition. he just asks, and he’d like to hear the answer, and he’s completely willing to go in the wrong direction and be physically turned towards the problem. and—it’s also okay if ilya isn’t ready to share. i would imagine that the implied patience of that, the “i’m here whether or not you rip yourself open for me,” is its own safety to be grateful for. two sides of a coin, maybe. i think for ilya much more than shane it’s not possible to get everything he needs from his romantic partner (part of why it irks me so bad that reid gave him no other intimate, consistent ties)—he needs, and presumably will, find other funny, damaged people with whom the ironic distance isn’t distance at all. also, like, how long does it take to completely shed the reflex to hide? i don’t think it ever goes away fully. a partner who’s bugged by that becomes its kind of stress

and when shane does make a jump or an inference it’s so plainly open: “hey, that’s not what this is, you and me. maybe it was at first, but not now and not for a long time.” what???? for someone who watched for danger, but who would also have caught and been hit just as brutally by vanishing glimpses of care and love, what a fucking relief that what you see is pretty much what you get (after some basic algebra about the closet and control issues and maybe some weird mom stuff. ilya’s got it), and that what you get is uncomplicated, whole, thorough devotion. secure attachment is no small gift