Eruvadhril

To me they’re art that someone made - and art that I make - its a machine that does something fun or interesting through the interaction of its parts. (Yes, a toy.) As someone who builds them and got into building them from playing with their functionality, I really like to examine their functionality and exercise and enact it, and it makes me sad to see a lack of appreciation - and even contempt - for the functionality.

What I’m observing and pointing out is that in the machine-that-does-fun-stuff fanbase there is a major zeitgeist of only buying these machines for the purpose of smashing them on the ground and doing a little dance on the pieces. It’s so pervasive that even people who make machines are starting to make them not to function but instead to be smashed apart, or making them with soft, brittle pieces with the expectation that they’ll be smashed apart anyway(meaning that for anyone who doesn’t want to smash it, it is likely to break down anyway).

I’m urging that you give these machines a try as a whole with their moving parts intact before you start smashing them, you might even find them more fun as toys when they’re being used as intended.

I’m telling you that if you wanted to do a little dance, you can do that without buying a machine and smashing it first, and your feet would even hurt less without chunks of plastic all over the ground.

To a not insignificant, and very vocal, subset of users, expressing this desire that my “silly little games” and the “silly little games” of my peers be used as intended, is tantamount to terrorism.

In minds of many trans people, cis men are allowed more diversity of visual expression, and in part it is because their existence is seen more like a blank slate. They're often not perceived as actively having a gender that femininity or androgyny could be in conflict with. And nobody thinks about them as "people on testosterone", even though, technically, in some ways, they are.

Meanwhile trans men and other people who may want T are seen as taking active masculinizing steps. And an attempt to deviate from typical masculine body goals confuses and enrages some people. It's seen as a waste of T, as appropriation of the "true trans" experience.

@cats-go-bump-in-the-night idk which version of this post you commented on, but this one might give more context.

It really varies. I personally don't want to look masculine. My transition goals look more like this

But cis people have goals, too. Did David Bowie come out of the womb looking, dressing, and acting like that? No. He worked towards it. He didn't always do it in the healthiest or most advisable way, but he put a lot of effort into projecting a very specific image that he had in mind.

It's also such a double standard. Women, cis and trans, are not just allowed but expected to put a ton of effort into curating an aesthetic for themselves. They're expected to spend a ton of money on beauty, fashion, and even home decor to fit an aesthetic. And i don't just mean cottagecore. I mean the aesthetic of a regular cute girl who is clean and healthy. The aesthetic of a quirky girl with a personality. The aesthetic of a good, clean, organized partner. The aesthetic of a loving mother who dedicates herself to her kids. The aesthetic of a cool, fashionable girl. Of a nerdy girl. Of a professional in a white collar job.

Men are expected to put in minimal effort. If they're seen doing too much, it's a challenge to their masculinity, and that's absolutely the case for cis men as well as trans men. Men are the ones who are stereotyped as not wiping their asses, they're the ones who don't wear makeup, who can get away with messier homes or a lack of decor without anyone commenting on it, who aren't supposed to know the names of different styles of shirts or shoes. They dress boring. Their hair is short and practical. They don't express themselves too much because that's a girl thing.

So people, subconsciously or not, protect those expectations onto trans men, who have often gone our whole lives being expected to curate an aesthetic and put effort into our appearances... and it turns out, some of us like to do that when we have control over it and it's not forced on us. We want to be men, but we want to be men who look cool and feel good to be. After all, we're going to do much effort for it.

A lot of cis men would do the same if they felt they could get away with it.. Alternative men, who have more leeway because they're alternative, LOVE to curate aesthetics and I've seen straight goth men pour tons of money, time, and energy into protecting elaborate images of who they want to be - much more than most gay men or even most women would because they have a community surrounding them that is affirming towards their presentation and their belonging within that community, whether they're the guy who shows up in a basic band shirt and black jeans or the guy with contacts, makeup, a wig, and an elaborate costume that cost hundreds of dollars.

Trans men have to fight so hard for our masculinity, and we already know we're not going to be taken seriously as men. So a lot of us just say, fuck it, if that's how it's going to be, I guess I'm just gonna work hard to be exactly the kind of man I want to be, because what's the point in transitioning if I'm still constrained by gendered expectations that prevent me from dressing the way I want to?

But the people ridiculing us usually haven't done much self-reflection regarding the way they view men, masculine gender roles, and how patriarchy forces them on men (it does!).

So it's allowed when it's David Bowie because he's cis and no one is going to question his gender. He's an artist. An eccentric. He made a ton of money off the fact that women found his version of male gender presentation sexy.

It's allowed when it's a cis gay man doing ir because, again, no one is questioning his gender, and he's fighting big, evil masculinity, so it's acceptable.

But a trans man is choosing to be a man, so why isn't he conforming to every single expectation of what masculinity is supposed to look like? Why does he want to be feminine? He must not really be a man, because only women and queer cis men wear makeup. He's probably a fujoshi girl who doesn't know what real men are like after a lifetime of mooning over fictional characters because girls are silly and boycrazy and don't know their own minds.

they deleted it, as soon as everybody saw it, and went "woopsie" but i know what they did. in short, what the hell do i do about this?

Yeah this is not at all within the spirit of the game. It goes against all the states reasons to keep character sheets secret and not telling people.

The player doesn’t have a +3 in forgery, the character does. These are not the same people and the player should not act as such.

The character sheet here is being treated as an in-game object even though it is not something that exists in-game, so the character can’t “forge” it, and the other characters can’t see it.

This is just a player lying to the other players and depriving them of the conventional guesswork or lack thereof(which is itself a different thing) that would be associated with wondering if another player’s character has particular Traits.

Tell this player not to do this again. As for what to do about it now that it has happened, that’s a social thing not really something that can be covered by game rules or my advice, not knowing your group. You could make this player admit that the character is not in fact a vampire, without revealing anything else, but you know how anyone in the group is going to react to anything better than I do. The only thing you have to do is say that that wasn’t cool or within the spirit of the game so that this does not become a repeat thing. Anyone reading the rules of the first part of Chapter 1 and the first part of Chapter 2 should be able to understand that.

The thing is it is clever, and in a different TTRPG I might think it was a lot cooler, but for Eureka specifically it’s totally counter to the intended experience.

1. The court holds Google responsible for statements made by its AI, considering them Google's statements (search engines have limited liability for results in their engine as they're the words of other sites/companies/people), meaning when their AI lies/hallucinates they're liable for the defamation/harm resulting from those statements.

2. Google's defense that customers are generally aware of the lack of reliability and are responsible for fact checking was dismissed. As the court pointed out, that would "significantly diminish" AI Search's stated purpose and it can't be distinguished from Google's business practices/statements as a search tool.

3. Studies have found about 91% of Google's everyday AI responses are accurate, leaving millions of searches per HOUR with potential liability for falsehoods. 56% of correct responses weren't supported by the sources the AI listed. Both of which mean Google is now liable for a LOT more AI "errors."

4. Google was held liable for 80% of court costs in this case and this precedent is expected to reverberate around the world. This is a massive shift from the 3rd-party search provider role Google has previously played and it comes right as they've tied ALL searches to their AI search.

I used to have it really bad, and I no longer do.

Note: my reaction to meltdowns is isolation, not confrontation. And I don't really get angry much in general. But even so, I've probably been unfair to people in other ways because of RSD.

My gut reaction advice was simply "actually ask your friends for reassurance". Just admit you're feeling insecure and request a little extra support, especially before it gets really bad. But then I realised this was very incomplete advice because of one specific reason...

RSD is "triggered by perceived or actual rejection, criticism, or disapproval". Those are actually VERY different, and so is the advice.

If you're logically pretty sure your friends don't hate you or are annoyed at you:

If someone seems to be ignoring you, stop yourself from trying to "fix" it by being more entertaining or fun. You're making it worse for yourself when they don't react.

(Also don't try to force someone to cheer someone up because you can't handle them being sad around you.)

Gently ask for reassurance. "I'm feeling a little needy right now, can you respond to the thing I shared?"

Find out why you get the rejection vibe. Chances are they're tired or busy or whatever, and it has nothing to do with you.

You can couch it in an apology or question if you feel guilty. "Sorry, are you busy?" "How are feeling today? You seem quiet." (This is also a good way to respect their time and energy, at the same time as you reassure yourself.)

IMPORTANT: Do not make demands! Friends do not owe you constant validation.

Do your very best to avoid blaming them for your feelings. Don't say "you're being very short right now and it's triggering my RSD". Instead admit you have need for more reassurance.

Again, remind yourself it probably has nothing to do with you. You can also ask other friends for input and reassurance to try to figure out if it's all in your head. Outsource your validation.

Over time you will hopefully get more secure.

If you're dealing with actual rejection:

Accept their rejection. Always. Their consent is more important than your feelings. Even if the feelings really suck.

Never ever punish them for their rejection.

Aka, don't demand a justification, don't get angry or upset at them, don't guilt them. If you have gotten an actual rejection, the best thing is probably to remove yourself from the situation, especially if you're having a big emotional response.

Your feelings are YOUR responsibility.

If you make it clear that it isn't safe to reject you, then consent means nothing. You will probably trample over boundaries even if you don't mean to or realise.

Seek emotional support ELSEWHERE. Talk to a friend. Do self-soothing. Have a good cry if you need to, or punch some pillows - just don't do it at the person who rejected you.

Basically:

If you're facing actual rejection, I'm sorry, but you are in fact just going to have to learn to deal with it. Everyone has to. It sucks.

If you think your brain is just sabotaging you, reach out for reassurance. But remember that not everyone is able to give you that at all times, and you NEED to have more than one person to rely on.

Work on emotional regulation in general. That's a bigger topic I can't cover, but it will help.

PS: This is assuming your friends are decent people who want what's best for you. If someone is actually being an asshole, I'm not saying you should excuse or tolerate it. (Getting a second opinion can help there too.)

PPS: Same goes for unwarranted criticism or disapproval. When I talk about respecting rejection, I mean when someone does want to hang out, or you got fired or something. But the advice to simply remove yourself from the situation works for both.

PPPS: Remind yourself that someone who's liked by everyone is probably very bland, or extremely people-pleasing. You don't actually want everyone's approval. Focus on the people whose opinions you respect and care about.

BUT

Jews of the time still criticized Tolkien for having all his dwarves have all those characteristics. So when he wrote The Lord of the Rings, he specifically wrote Gimli as a noble warrior who has no interest in gold and cares more for artistry and beauty.

There's this bit from Fellowship of the Ring:

whats significant about this passage is that Galadriel's words here- "Dark is the water"- are an exact mirror of words Gimli himself said about Khazad-dûm in an earlier chapter. So when the Fellowship leaves Lorthlórien, Galadriel has no gift for Gimli, and asks what gift the Elves could give him. His response:

and then there's this bit about the Glittering Caves in The Two Towers. It's not a 180 of what was established in the Hobbit, but it builds on and fleshes out the Dwarves immensely and it's one of the most beautiful passages in the boom

Context: just after the siege of helm's deep when Legolas and Gimli are reunited after the battle, Gimli spent some time in the caves under the Hornburg, and this is what he has to say about it:

Rumination is probably the most common type of OCD compulsion, but I rarely see anyone talking about it. I've talked to multiple people diagnosed with OCD who didn't even recognize it as a compulsion.

Basically, if you have OCD you have terrible intrusive thoughts. They can be about anything, but common themes are fear of being a bad person, fear of hurting someone, fear of contamination. etc.

Rumination is when you get stuck in a spiral. Rumination is when you spend hours catastrophizing, overthinking, analyzing, telling yourself it's going to be okay.

I'll say it again:

Rumination is a compulsion.

Rumination is a compulsion, and that means you have to stop doing it.

I did ERP (exposure response prevention) for my OCD with a therapist! For 9 months! And it did help, but the idea didn't really click until I found this website a couple years later.

And Oh My God. It made things make so much more sense, and I was able to pull myself out of an episode even though I wasn't in therapy or on meds at the time.

Genuinely if you have OCD, or even if you suspect you have OCD, I'm begging you to read some of these articles.

Like this was genuinely life changing for me.

Here are some of the ones that were most helpful to me:

Defining Rumination

How to Stop Ruminating

ERP Exercises for Compulsive Rumination

Well maybe I don’t WANT to work double as hard as abled people!! Maybe I deserve a BREAK!! Maybe I’ve been working MORE THAN double as hard for MY WHOLE LIFE and it’s led me to immense burnout & caused me to develop several MORE disabilities!! Maybe I should be ACCOMMODATED so I don’t have to KILL MY BODY AND BRAIN over trying to do what abled people can do!! Maybe I DON’T have to work double as hard!! Maybe if there’s the option to let me NOT work double as hard, I should have it, because I’m already working double as hard JUST TO SURVIVE!!