NOT a Mary Poppins Blog

stomach, genitals: idiot bitches who know exactly what they want and never shut up about it

This is a man who is VIOLENTLY aware that when it comes to conservatives, he is a Muslim first, a Brown Man second, an Immigrant third, a Socialist fourth, and a human a very distant fifth, if considered at all. He was also a young adult during the Obama Years and will have seen Republicans rip Obama to shreds for wearing a tan suit instead of a dark one and use literally ANY excuse they could to try and degrade his image.

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

But I feel like an asteroid. I feel like the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs. I was very, very guilty for years. I had to go to extensive therapy because I was like, “oh my god, I, Lochlan O'Neil, single-handedly destroyed fandom culture?”

She didn't she didn't she didn't. That wasn't it. She wasn't an asteroid.

She was the first skater that fell through the ice of Web 2.0.

I was also a teenager who found an amazing world, and My People, and friends I'd still talk to every day, on the internet. I spent years getting my mother to let me go to conventions and meet friends in distant cities. I started ambitious internet communities I didn't have the experience or skills to bring to fruition. I don't think there was a lot of difference between us, in a lot of ways. It's not that I was somehow smart or skilled or suave and she wasn't. She didn't have some awful planet-killing stink or velocity that she brought to the show.

The difference was this:

In 1994, when the Endless September began and the Internet felt perpetually full of stupid newbies, there were 20 million people online.

In 2001, when I got my first LiveJournal account, there were 500 million.

In 2012, when she joined Tumblr, there were 2.43 billion.

When I started out, and you joined a new messageboard or chatroom or mailing list, you had to introduce yourself to the community. Except in the biggest of websites, people expected to log onto the internet, read through all the new things that had been posted to their local bit of it, and then log off again. Older members took it upon themselves to greet the newbies and answer any questions they might have, directing them to the relevant community FAQs. People would say things like, "Oh yes, I remember you. This is only your second Thursday with us, right? I hope you have fun!"

I joined an Internet full of adults who got online through their jobs or their universities, one of the first wave of kids allowed to roam free. And the proportion of adults to kids kept steadily changing, but until DashCon, I don't think people understood how much. I remember a discussion that happened in early 2000s slash fandom, where the very true observation was made that in particular artistic ways, we had all agreed to suspend shame, which created a unique kind of space. As a community we could all admit that we were there to be embarrassingly enthusiastic in unusual ways about absolute nerd shit, and we understood that it wasn't life or death, it wasn't rocket surgery, but it also wasn't going to get broadcast onto the clouds and our bosses didn't know who we were. Everyone was (willing to act like) an adult, and we could hold the circle and create safety there.

That felt like a lot of geek spaces, then. Anime conventions, science fiction conventions, furry conventions, videogame stores, D&D meetups. Images were bulky and pixelated, video incredibly hard to move. When you got to a con, it was like a brief oasis of Weird that sheltered you and screened you from view, and you ended up volunteering because the weary, cynical, intelligent, kind people in the con ops office looked like you were throwing yourself in front of a bullet just for offering to run a clipboard down to the other end of the hotel for them.

The ice was thick enough to skate on. The circle was strong enough to let you be brave and funny and silly and free, and you could buckle down with some friends and clean all the trash out of the ballroom by 11am on Sunday, and you'd see everyone next year.

The bubble was going to burst, but nobody seemed to worry about it.

Things were changing fast for fans, all kinds of fans, in the early 2010s. Conventions that used to get news coverage like "Local Freaks Weird Out Hotel Employees: This Weekend Only" to "#Cosplay: The Hottest New Trend" and from Geocities sites that shut down if you exceeded your page visits for the month to AO3 getting 10 million pageviews a week.

It was great. We could conquer the world together. We could stay safe and together and the circle would hold.

And then the ice broke open and Lochlan fell through. Right through the bottom of that goddamn ballpit into freezing arctic sea. Right into years of people sorting through the churned ice of the wreck, taking years to come to the realization that there really had not been ANY goddamn adults in the room making sure things were okay. The community had not actually failed so much as never been formed in the first place.

Because as it turns out, group-bonding techniques that work for 100 or 1000 people do not work for 10,000. Or 100,000. Or one million. Or one billion.

That line about agreement to suspend shame sticks with me all these years after because the defining feature of post-Dashcon Tumblr has been shame. And scorn, contempt, derision, and hatred. Cringe, in short, and kys. Exactly the kind of bullshit I saw every day in junior high school, and ran to the Internet and fan conventions to get away from.

I got the kind of community and mentorship and support that have made fandom a refuge and a resource my whole life. Lochlan O'Neill didn't. Not because there was anything worse or dumber or less experienced about her.

Because a system built in the 1990s was incapable of bearing the stress of a load fifty times bigger than what was already "way too full."

Just because I'm from one generation, and she's from another.

Other materials at the time, namely clay, would absorb flavors and germs meaning that if you ate beef off a clay plate your next meal with that plate could have beef flavor and microbes common on cow meat on it.  That would leak out seemingly at random no less.  Heck imagine a sick person coughing into their soup bowl and then months later their germs hiding in the clay would pop out to infect whole new people.

Also the earliest human use of glass we know of is for its sharpness.  Pre-historic people would use volcanic glass as sharp knives for food preparation.  Also beads.  Pretty much any new substance humans get their hands on for most of our history we immediately try to make into beads.

BUT i got it all cut out from leftovers without buying any new fabric so that's my win

Okay, I have to talk about this. This is why I love Vax and why, even though Percy may be my favorite, Vax is probably the best of Vox Machina and the standout of the group. Because while the others do noble things in isolation for important reasons, Vax is noble to his core. Even when faced with certain death, he doesn’t compromise what he knows to be the right choice.

We can see the moment the Whispered One asks him, “What say you, Champion?” Vax knows what making this choice will cost. He loves Keyleth with everything he has, we’ve seen the future he wanted with her, the life he’s going to miss out on, the love for his sister and friends, the fear he’s had of dying but despite all that he chooses to spit in the Whispered One’s face anyway. To not submit to him. Even before that he was willing to die when he flew the Whispered One away from everyone to take the brunt on himself. That is true bravery.

When i started i was going off of diagrams from old websites, and struggled a good bit. I hope this post will help you get started! Feel free to ask questions!

This video shows the very basics (not in english, but quite clear). This video explains how to read patterns before you start doing it backwards, mirrored and upside down (which is what i did!).

Basic tools; the beauty of tablet weaving is that you need minimal supplies to get started.

Cotton yarn (I use 8/4)

Cards (thin cardboard and a hole punch will do)

A chair or door handle, to tie the threads to

A belt, to tie the threads to yourself

A shuttle (you can start with a pencil, old credit card, ruler, your fingers,... i use a bone folder)

Variables to understand before trying to use a pattern

S/Z card slant or threading

The direction the cards face

Forward or backward turns

ABCD or DCBA

This video (mentioned above as well) explains these variables and how to read different patterns you will find. There is no universal way to write a tablet weaving pattern, resulting in different patterns directly opposing one another (& lots of frustration on my end </3).

General tips from me, a novice

Start with a thin band

Start with a simple pattern, where the cards all turn forward for the whole band, like this one

Then move to a pattern that alternates forward and backward turns, this one is simple but very pretty

After that, try a pattern that has you divide the cards into groups, like a ramshorn or dublin dragons

Be sure to use contrasting colours (in hue and/or tone). A black and white filter can help you here

Get some bag clips to prevent tangles (ikea!)

Always turn the edge cards in the same direction. This gives a neater end result. The edges can be the outer two cards, or a group that forms a decorative trim

Personally, i like looping the thread around a door handle instead of tying it, which makes untwisting threads very easy

You can eventually omit the written ABCD on the cards, but it is a good crutch to lean on when learning

I use some scrap wood with bolts that i tie to my belt, making it a little easier to manage tension and move the woven band along as i go

Finding patterns

I use pinterest for the most part. Twisted threads has many patterns, with a built-in program, but the search function is not great.

I made you four pinterest boards; for the sake of simplicity, the patterns are all GTT which means tablets face RIGHT, S/Z refers to the THREADING direction, use ABCD, forward turns the tablets AWAY from yourself (forwards = D over A)

Level one: all forward turns

Level two: alternating forward and backward

Level three: groups of tablets that turn differently

Level four: a fuckton of tablets with complex patterns

This video made me understand double-face weaving, this one is shorter and easier to follow. Double-face is a fun technique but i would reccommend getting good at following a regular pattern first.

My main mistake when i was starting out:

Whether the slant is S or Z, the cards should all face the same way. For some reason, I made the S-cards all face right and the Z-cards left. Simple, repetitive patterns will turn out fine but anything slightly more complex will be distorted, and you will be frustrated:

Your first few projects will likely be messy! Don't be too discouraged. Here's a couple of my firsts:

I’m offering a $600 weekly allowance (paid twice a week) as a thank-you for your time. If you’re interested, feel free to reply me on telegram : @cliffchester068

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