white noise

*doctor voice* we just got the test results back from your bloodwork and it’s weird. yeah. your blood is real freaking weird. what’s causing it? no clue. should you be worried about it? not really sure. anyway, just wanted to call and tell you your blood is all kinds of fucked up.

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved

feeling like an academic flop will have you randomly thinking shit like You’ve Betrayed And Destroyed Yourself For Nothing and it’s like Ok girl tone it down it’s not that serious

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

I love you guys but I think a lot of you are the kind of people who are susceptible to falling in with a cult.

You’re right. We should all band together under a trustworthy and influential leader who can keep us safe from outside threats

awww its ok little guy [steps towards you with intent to harm]

humans should be able to do a special Ultra Sleep after major life accomplishments where you're just out for like 32 hours or something and then you wake up fully refreshed in every way

step 1: mitosis

saying “i want him” about the character but not in a romantic or sexual way . i just Require him i need to Obtain him

i want this man in my inventory

knew from a young age that i was weird and unfixable