d e v o n
Not today Justin
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Love Begins
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if i look back, i am lost
⣠Chile in a Photography âŁ
tannertan36
will byers stan first human second
KIROKAZE
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@soaringsparrows
ânever kill yourselfâ is such a funny phrase to me that i think itâs accidently started working. its like an affrimation. say ânever kill yourselfâ enough times as a joke and maybe you wonât try to kill yourself over minor inconviences anymore
i made this image for the express purpose of this
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*turns my attention inwards* mmmmm. no *turns my attention back outwards* oh god
turn your attention to The Character
ok i absolutely need to know what accents u all have pls reblog and tell me or comment or whatever I must know
The Odyssey but retold as a low-stakes modern adventure of one guy out with his girlfriend leaving the bar with his buddies to do just one (1) simple thing real quick, it'll take like 15 minutes tops, he'll be right back, but then some bullshit happens and the trip keeps getting more complicated as more bullshit keeps happening while he just tries to get back to the bar because he promised his girlfriend that he'd get back and he knows that she's still there because she told him she'd wait there.
And by the time he finally gets back it's almost 3 am and the bar is about to close while she's sitting there stone cold sober, surrounded by 5 drunk guys unsuccessfully trying to convince her to give up on waiting for him and go home with one of them instead. And the guy shows up to proceed to beat the shit out of them before explaining himself to her like hey sorry bullshit kept happening, my phone fell into a storm drain and my wallet got stolen when I was trying to find someone who'd borrow me a phone so I could call and
His girlfriend had been fending off the 5 drunk guys for most of the evening by explaining that even if she was going to ditch her boyfriend, she can't possibly leave without finishing her beer, which she is keeping perpetually full via careful sleight of hand where she's just pouring it back and forth into and out of the pitcher.
However the drunk guys are also drinking, and eventually she can't afford to buy another pitcher for the table so she can't keep up the ever-full beer glass trick. At this point she has to resort to setting up the pool trick shot that she's never seen anyone but her boyfriend pull off, and says she'll leave with whoever manages the shot first.
That buys her another hour or so and then, finally, her boyfriend makes it back. He looks like shit, hair down and just a mess, he's wearing an entirely different jacket that he got from an alley, and barely recognizableâespecially to 5 guys who've been drunk for hours now. He lurks for a minute, finds out what's going on, and proceeds to pull off the trick shot first try. Throws the jacket off, fixes his hair with a hair tie his girlfriend lends him, finally looks like himself again, and THEN beats the shit out of them with the pool cue.
Something so funny about rereading one's own unfinished fics. Like wow this is pretty good! Almost as if was written exactly according to what I personally like in fact! Someone should finish it!
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knew this woman who used to be a gay man and when he was a gay man he liked âironicallyâ referring to himself as she/her and so when he came out as a woman he decided the next logical step was to also switch his pronouns to he/him.
steam repeatedly notifying you that a friend is booting up a game thats clearly not cooperating feels like ur sitting inside and someone outside keeps trying to rev up a lawnmower
For context: Jonis Josef is a famous Norwegian comedian.
brazilians, imagine youâre a famous futebol player and are about to hit the winning penalty kick at the world cup finals. accidentally, the referee tosses a christian baby at you. would you still kick the baby to the goal and win the hexa championship, and sacrifice the christian baby?
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they posted a full version lol itâs mr Stacyâs dad for me
Messing up my customer service hotline job and playing a gunshot sound effect over the phone then coming back with a slightly different accent
what is your eye color. what is your favorite color. what is the color that appears most frequently in your wardrobe. what color is your favorite blanket. what color is your water bottle.
I see your âRocky swears like a sailor but only in pitches humans canât hear/refuses to teach Grace what those words meanâ and raise you âRocky swears like a sailor and now has to explain to Grace that âbad bad badâ isnât actually a sequence you play on your Eridian speech piano in polite company.â
Grace is both horrified and amused to realise that a more accurate translation for what Rockyâs been saying is âshit shit shitâ.
Eridian government representative: Greetings Rocky, Saviour of Erid, and Grace, Saviour from Beyond the Stars. We are pleased to welcome you home.
Grace, haltingly on the keyboard Rocky built for him: Wassup bitches. Fucking jazzed toâ
Rocky: GRACE STOP TALKING NOW NOW NOW I EXPLAIN LATER
Grace: "Huh? Rocky, are you switching languages on me? I don't know any of those words! Please, I'm trying to make a good impression on your people!"
Rocky, in dawning horror, realizes he can either 1) continue speaking polite, non-swearing Eridian and have Grace not understand his warnings or 2) he can repeat his instruction in the language Grace will understand, and every Eridian in earshot will understand exactly where the alien learned his potty mouth.
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one of my favorite hobbies is not being a parent
Already know I wanna send this to people on June 1
Audio:
Erika, referencing ebenezer scrooge: You, boy! What day is it?!
Brennan, as a young boy: It's Pride, bitch!
