love island should introduce a "scheming eunuch" islander who is like a smart and completely asexual islander exempt from being kicked off or being made to participate in any challenges and they're just there to provide advice and be a sort of sounding board for the other islanders when they need a disinterested party to talk things through with. but the scheming eunuch has secret goals unbeknownst to anyone e.g. a cash prize for talking a certain couple into breaking up etc.

mr. substance abuser has a suggestion for how we should spend the afternoon

that's MS. substance abuser to you

sorry women sorry sorry sorry you can kick me really hard in the head

People who had kids on purpose really will come home from work after the worst day ever like "there better not be any fucking kids in here."

the thing is that for all its supposed faults, i would take this brand of 90s utopian globalism over whatever the fuck we’ve been doing for the last 10 years in a heartbeat

its a cliche but im a slut for when a character is introduced as super chill and goofy and then you later find out theyre chill and goofy because theyre too powerful to be touched. the level 100 wizard whos already figured out everything and is just vibing now. big fan.