Fat Kat to Skinny Kitty

Have you ever cried in a cab? I have... just half an hour ago I burst into tears on my way home from work...

Aunt Flo has finally decided to pay a visit today (after 2 weeks of crazy hormones, I am quite relieved)... keep this in mind when I tell you how the last 3 hours went -_-

I left work at 2:15pm... decided to walk 10 minutes through the high street to Tesco. I needed toilet roll and sanitary towels... and chocolate of course.I'm cramping like a bitch while I do a quick shop, desperate to get out as quickly as possible and get home. So when I find a nearly empty till, I rush over and nab my spot. SORTED

There were 3 people doing a shop together that were close to paying. Just a few more items to scan. 2 women and 1 man. All about 30-ish. One of the women turns to the other and says "shall I go get it?" to which the other woman replies "if you want it, yeah"... so off the woman runs to find whatever it is she so desperately needs that it has to keep me waiting... in pain... angry at the pain and now angry at her. She's gone for a while, and here we are, all awkwardly waiting as a queue begins to form behind me. With every second that passed I was getting more and more pissed. Not looking at anyone for fear of hurting someone

The woman left standing at the till turns and says to us lot in the queue "I'm sorry about this"... I can't look at her, I want to punch her... a woman standing behind me says "that's alright"... I want to punch her too.

Eventually after what seems like an eternity, this other woman turns up carrying a magazine. The two women give it a quick look over before one says "It's a bit expensive though"... I don't know which one it is as I'm too busy staring at the pack of sanitary towels I have waiting to pay for. I am seething.

"Nah, I don't want it"... hearing these words I can't help but look up at the girl on the till. She looks me straight in the eye and I know she knows what I'm contemplating doing right now... so the two ignorant airheads and the guy they're with all finally leave. I pay for my shit and get out as quickly as possible.

I call a cab and sit on a bench waiting. Finally I'm out of there. I can't believe how close I was to actually bitch slapping someone back there.

It's 2:50pm by the time I call the cab. Great, the busiest time of day with the kids coming out of school... I know I'm gonna be waiting a while... 3:22pm I check the time. I'm starving, in pain and just want to get home. The cab should be here any minute. 3:30pm fuck it, I'm eating the chocolate I bought in Tesco now... 3:41 WTF?! If it's not here in the next 10 mins I'll call them again...

3:53pm still waiting and I decide to call the cab company again

ME: "Hello, I booked a cab over an hour ago and I wanna check it's still coming"

CAB OFFICE WOMAN (COW): "That job has been marked as 'complete' the cab driver must have picked up the wrong person"

ME: "Not a single cab has stopped here"

COW: "Well it happens sometimes"

ME: "No no... this hasn't happened. Either your cab driver decided he didn't want the job and so marked it as complete or you didn't put the job through properly and are now bullshitting me! SO DON'T GIVE ME THAT CRAP!"

**yes... I lost it**

COW: "I'm so sorry, I'll get someone to you right away"

I am cramping so badly by this point and everyone walking past can sense I'm about to unleash Hell... but I don't care, as long as no one speaks to me, we'll be fine.

Finally! The cab turns up. It's 4:12pm. Almost 2 hours since I left work. I get in the car and tell the man where I need to go... the corner shop 5 mins from where I live -_- I forgot to buy toilet roll

We don't speak. I'm sat in the back just staring out the window. I'm not usually this rude, but I just can't help myself. I just want to get home. The driver decides to turn the radio on to fill the awkward silence in the car...

Mariah Carey starts singing "A hero lies in you"... Mariah Carey... MARIAH FUCKING CAREY!! I hate this song... I hate her... but I sit in silence. Still staring out the window, telling myself it will all be over soon.

THANK FUCK THAT SONG WAS OVER!!

But then... I can't even bare to think about what happened next...

Take that's "Rule the World" comes on the radio. I can't take it anymore... I burst into tears... I don't care what the driver thinks. I'm tired, hungry and in pain... SO MUCH PAIN!

The driver looks in his rear view mirror at me and asks "Are you OK?" such a nice guy... I feel bad for sobbing so openly in his cab. I want to tell him that I've had a rough last couple of hours and that my stupid woman parts are making me behave this way... but all I can say is

"I hate this song!"

He kindly turned it off, but I was gone by that point. It truly is my nightmare of a song even on a good day. I have never wanted to kill a song so bad... but finally I'm home. I've ordered a takeaway. I don't trust myself not to accidentally burn the kitchen down.

As of Monday, my life will be turned upside down (again)... my Husband is moving up north for work. He'll be there for 6 months before I follow him. He'll be back every other weekend or so and of course over Christmas...

But I've decided to use this 6 months to really knuckle down and lose this weight.

At the minute I have been on and off eating well... my weight has fluctuated ever so slightly over the past couple of months. I've hit a mental brick wall, opting for quick grab packaged foods when I shouldn't, and giving in to temptation when eating out

Without seeming like I'm making excuses, my Husband lives on Meat, Potatoes and bread. He hates vegetables and relies on sweets, biscuits, crisps etc... I've ended up basically cooking two separate meals everyday and this whole having our own cupboards idea seemed to only work for a short while. With him gone, I'll be able to get back into the swing of things, clear out all the junk in the house, and focus on preparing meals just for me.

Throughout these 6 months I hope to not only reach my target weight, but will design myself a recipe book and teach myself how to utilise my time in the kitchen.

Every so often I have these amazing dreams! and while in them, I think to myself "This would make an awesome movie!" and tell myself to pay attention to every detail and don't forget any of it when I wake up...

In these dreams I am fully aware that I'm asleep, and will myself not to wake up too soon. I need to make the most of this creative genius of a brain I have that will one day make me a billionaire... just don't forget this dream!

I can replay certain "scenes" and make them better. Remember that quick witted comment and the minute details in scenery. It's all going to make me rich one day!!

Then I wake up... and for about 5 seconds I truly believe I've created a masterpiece and I'm going to be rich and famous for it...

I love this song... I wake up most mornings with it already playing in my head.