NO! Thinking their negative thoughts privately will kill the patient. She needs bitching and whining to live

the hottest girl youve ever met at a party: yeah im really into wearing slippery socks around the house and cracking my skull open on stuff

i love when guys come in and order samwiches like "oh this ones not for me its for the WIFE haha such a weird order i know but its not for me its for my wife. i wouldnt usually order this but its for my wife" like alright mister whatever you say 🤨 heres your sissy lil faggy homosexual samwich! for YOU!

my kids are gonna be like mommy what’s an ipad and i’m going to be like we DONT use that word in this house. play with worms.

i’m so much more than just a hater. i’m also a lesbian. 

always keep a cyanide pill between my teeth when i go to renew my id just in case i make a fool of myself in front of the honorable mistresses of the dmv

I am soooo stable rn *twirling my hair kicking my feet and about to implode*

gay guy and a lesbian who pretend to be a straight couple together in public but the lesbian is the boyfriend and the gay guy is the girlfriend