born to shit. forced to wipe.

im sorry that was a bad joke. i can kill myself if you want

having a headache while hydrated is so unfair. you were supposed to protect me.

okay everyone listen up!! 👏👏 new plan! basically what we’re gonna do is: dance 🕺

playing stupid games but im really bad at them so im not even winning the stupid prizes

You ever make friends so good you start to realize most of the people closest to you have been undercover operatives sent by the devil to ruin your life

one time I went over to a friend's house and their housemate was making paper in the living room, and we saw this big tub full of water they were using to dissolve old scrap paper into a slurry, and everyone was immediately like "oh, you need scrap paper?" and started turning out their jacket pockets and producing expired coupons and bus tickets and crumpled receipts and old shopping lists and whatever else they'd been carrying round with them for no good reason, and passing it all to the paper-making housemate to make sure it was suitable before it got torn up and dropped into the tub, while people took turns stirring the slurry with a big wooden stick. it was strangely ritualistic, like presenting an offering to some kind of temple elder for inspection before placing it in a watery shrine to be devoured and reformed. pulp for the pulp god.

they're a problematic character TO YOU. they're problematic to me as well but I'm being weird and horny about it so it's different

smoking on the shit that made susan be anthony

I LOVE MY PLUSHIES REBLOG IF YOU LOVE YOUR PLUSHIES

[suddenly disillusioned] my illusions..

A couple weeks ago my boyfriend (habitual sleeptalker) said in his sleep “thats crazyyyyyy” and I said “what’s crazy?” And he said “that you didn’t know that” and then turned over and did not elaborate. And I can’t stop thinking about it what didnt I know..

first thing id do as a skeleton is drink red wine from a goblet and have it spill out everywhere . second thing id do is play my ribs like a xylophone

What if you were asked a loaded question about your opinions on any sort of gender thing, and you dismissed the whole subject by going "oh, I'm not religious" and not elaborate on that.

explained to an 8 year old that once a fruit is ripe you only have so much time until it rots so you have to eat it soon and she said so i'll never be able to keep it perfect like this forever? no and there are about a million pieces of art for you unrelatedly