bruja

agent: this is area 51, where the aliens live me: cool agent: and over there is area 69, where the aliens… uh… me: what agent: …. me: what do they do there

when will a husband and wife who are widely rumored to be vampires invite me up to their once-gorgeous mansion which has fallen into some disrepair and then serve a beautiful meal that they barely pick at, sipping from glasses of dry red wine instead as they take turns complimenting me borderline-salaciously while shooting each other conspiratorial looks that i don’t know how to interpret before one of them insists that it’s getting far too late for me to be going back home alone and now i simply must spend the night…..

in case the implied ending wasn’t clear enough: and then i get railed.

congrats it’s a bat

[delighted bat noises]

@trulycertain

the sexiest accessory is and always has been a little black cat that you carry around on your shoulder with whom you share a deep, inexplicable spiritual bond

he financed the arts and public infrastructure

Hot take: Eddie Brock and Carol Danvers are on opposite ends of the bisexual spectrum being disaster bi and functional bi respectively. Smack dab in the middle is Steve Rogers who manages to be a huge mess while somehow still having people see him as one of the sanest people in the room.

Valkyrie got drunk and fell off the spectrum. she now exists in a void where all those things apply to her at once

Quantum Bi

THIS IS NOT A BAD JOKE, JEFF. THIS IS THE PINNACLE OF COMEDY.

Gays don’t block in video games. We dodge roll or we die. Blocking is for straight people.