But please put sunscreen on them

me and strawberry lemonade svedka

me with patron silver tbh

tbh strawberitas

Honey, I contoured the kids

Happy 420 guys. Don’t forget to leave some milk and cookies out for Snoop Dogg

skinny people could drink jet fuel and eat cigarettes but the moment a fat person eats a cookie u losers be like: oops better watch that weight fat bitch!

what were dora’s bedtime wishes

don’t listen to the map next time dora

i fucking hate jk rowling so much because years and years after this franchise has ended she is still continuing trying to make it bad to the point where she said that every character in harry potter canonically shits themselves and then casts a shit vanishing spell 

fuck this is b a d

This reminds me of the hufflepuff group masturbation tweets

The what?

Just imagine you’re taking a test for potions with Snape and the guy sitting next to you just fucking shits himself the nastiest, slimiest shit of his life out of stress. And you literally have to sit there with a straight face while fuckin Todd JingleJangles cleans himself up in the dead quiet room with some stupid ass line like “vanish me poopum” and you just gotta live with the knowledge that some kid just shit himself beside you during a fucking test.

Constructive criticism: also consider DAMP NUTLORD

I’m crying

Not Everything That Crinkles Is a Snack For You - A novel by me, about my pets

But it Crinkles and Therefore Must be a Snack For Me- The sequel, by my pets

cutting sandwich down the middle= STEM degree cutting sandwich diagonal= liberal arts

Shoving the whole thing down my throat no chew= deep throat queen.

I have no idea what to do with this information