Dancing Fairies and All That

There was a big push to eliminate "degrading jobs" but the strategy was to eliminate the position, then create a new position outside of the bargaining unit to do the work. So like, we wouldn't have dishwashers, but we'd have people who washed dishes that weren't eligible to be in the union.

I was like A) what the actual fuck? Dish washing isn't "degrading", it's fucking vital. B) What the actual fuck? You want to create a union just to exploit different people?

The first time someone told me that busing tables was "degrading", I was like "Oh, uhh, yeah, like it's very necessary work but under compensated for how vital it is?" and they responded "No, touching plates that other people have eaten off of is disgusting."

In bargaining, someone on the Union side suggested that we eliminate all the cashiers and exclusively use self-checkouts (they were a cashier and didn't like it). The organizer told them that the union wasn't in the habit of eliminating bargaining unit positions. (This is the same person I've talked about how said that "as a prison abolitionist" we just needed to execute most criminals.)

It got me thinking, along with Ann Russell talking about how to treat cleaners (being a cleaner herself), about how we conceptualise domestic service as particularly degrading in all its forms, when, really, why is that? Why is paying someone to do something intrinsically bad?

Like, even in a moneyless, gift economy society, there would still be people whose primary contribution to their communities would be cleaning. Some people like to clean, and are really rather good at it.

I've talked ad nauseam in the past about how British attitudes towards cleaners and other service based positions today are the descendants of Victorian attitudes. That is, both the attitudes of conservatives and many progressives of that time. The trade union movement was particularly exclusionary towards service workers.

The first time he cheated death, Sisyphus had just angered Zeus by revealing the location of the Asopid Aegina whom Zeus abducted. Which is super valid, fuck Zeus.

Sisyphus knew that Zeus would send the god of death Thanatos after him, so he prepared a trap and trapped Thanatos in the chains meant for him.

After that, nothing on Earth was able to die so long as Thanatos was in chains. Which meant no animals could be sacrificed to the gods. This angered the gods, who made Sisyphus' life so miserable with pain and illness that he would beg for death. And so he released Thanatos.

But then came the second time Sisyphus cheated death. As he was dying, he asked his wife to dump his naked corpse in the middle of the public square. Denied a proper burial, his soul ended up on the far side of the river Styx, unable to cross.

He complained to Hades and Persephone about how his wife disrespected him, and begged them to let him return briefly to the world of the living to scold her and make her bury him properly. They agreed, and Sisyphus returned to life. He then embraced his wife, and refused to return to the Underworld.

It's only when he finally died of old age that he was sent to Tartarus and punished with the boulder.

I don't remember where I've seen it, but I like the interpretation that Sisyphus doesn't have to push the boulder. He can choose to stay in Tartarus and rest. But he was promised that if he managed to push the boulder to the top of the mountain, he'll ascend to Elysium.

And Sisyphus, in his stubbornness and cleverness, refuses to give up on a challenge.

(modified from a bigger post)

T-pose/sitting variation

extend arms out in a T-pose; face forward and shoulders back

rotate one thumb up and the other thumb down; turn your head to face the up thumb

move your arms up and down a bit until you feel a nerve running from your armpit to your palm

return to step 1's default T-Pose and repeat a mirror of steps 2 and 3, facing the up thumb previously down

continue to alternate for ~1 minute

sitting down, put the first down thumb hand firmly under your butt; your arm should be parallel to your side.

keeping shoulders back, use your opposite hand to gently pull your head to the side for 30 seconds

repeat a mirror of steps 6 and 7

occupational therapist variation

bonus 6 step: with arm in the same position, tilt your head towards the opposite side for a few seconds

Some nights even filling up the kettle and setting an empty mug out for my morning tea felt hard. But I was always thankful for it in the morning.

Other nights, one thing would lead to another, and I’d wake up in a clean house with everything ready to go.

And, on a rare few nights, the one thing that I could do to make my morning easier was going straight to bed and allowing myself to rest.

A gorgeous little puma cub checking out a wildlife cam 

He was aware enough of this to get off on trolling the class, though.  Whenever some force diagram in a homework assignment needed to be weightless, instead of being some generic spacecraft it would be “Mir” specifically.  And he’d always use ‘cosmonaut’ instead of ‘astronaut’, that kind of thing.

One day about halfway through the semester, he’s doing this with in-class examples on the board, and one of the students finally gets up the guts to troll back a little.  So this kid shouts from the back of the auditorium, “Hey professor, what’s the difference between a cosmonaut and an astronaut?”

A lot of internet advice says “don’t do things you don’t want to do” or “you don’t owe anyone anything.” Technically true, but real relationships are more complicated. Sometimes you’re tired but still willing, sometimes you’re excited, and sometimes you’re just… meh.

That’s why I love the Decide 10 system (from Prototype Thinking on Medium). It makes compromise clearer and more balanced. I saw this talked about on Instagram and looked it up.

Here’s how it works when it comes to activities (I used a different method for an emotional need, which I talk about in example 3).

Each person rates from 1–10 how much they want to do something.

You both reveal your numbers.

If the total is 10 or higher, you do it. If it’s lower, you renegotiate, postpone, or skip it.

Example 1: This is often used to decide whether to do a specific activity, but it can also be used to decide between two. You’re deciding between Taco Bell and Burger King for dinner.

Your partner rates Taco Bell 5, Burger King 8.

You rate Taco Bell 7, Burger King 4.

Totals:

Taco Bell = 12

Burger King = 12

Both hit the 10 threshold, so either works but you can see Burger King matters more to them than Taco Bell matters to you. So maybe a compromise is you go to Burger King that night and Taco Bell another.

Example 2: Compromise in Action

Let’s say someone rates something a 9 and you’re only a 3. The math adds up to 12, but beyond the numbers, it shows this thing is really important to them. In a close relationship, you might decide to stretch for them. Not because you owe it, but because you care. And often, they’ll stretch for you too.

The opposite can be true as well. Maybe you say something is a 1, but they rate it an 8. Seeing your low number might help them realize, “This isn’t worth draining you for. I can let it go this time.” That’s care, too.

Example 3: An Emotional Need

Today I was feeling sad. I told my friend I was a 6 on the “sad scale” and asked what her capacity was for calling. I clarified it wasn’t emergent. I was just sad.

She told me she was at about a 4 on capacity. She was tired and normally wouldn’t call tonight, but since I was at a 6, she wanted to support me. We agreed she’d call in two hours when she had privacy. She added that if I’d said it was emergent, she would have called right away, privacy or not.

That was me applying the concept in a different way. It was honesty about where we’re both at, balanced with flexibility.

The original Decide 10 article talks about adding numbers together for activities. With emotional needs, it worked a bit differently for me. My “6” was about how much support I needed, while my friend’s "4" was about her capacity to give support. Instead of adding the numbers, we compared them and found a compromise. She couldn’t call immediately, but she could call in two hours.

That’s the point of the scale. It is not rigid math, it’s a framework for honest communication.

Why this helps (especially if you have BPD):

No mind-reading. You don’t have to guess how much they care.

Saying “I’m a 3 on this” communicates low capacity without it sounding like rejection.

You can see when one person feels strongly and the other doesn’t. This makes compromise less painful.

It balances give-and-take instead of one person always “winning.”

Important to remember:

Use it for everyday decisions and non-emergency emotional check-ins. Don’t force it in crisis moments.

Numbers can change. A “2” today might be a “7” tomorrow.

The point isn’t the math. It's the honesty and balance it creates.

the path of wisdom is sometimes to hire a plumber.

we called them musk-ox because we thought they must be some kind of cow thing, but they are actually a goat thing; this is to a normal wild goat what a woolly mammoth is to a normal elephant, only these things survived.

and i absolutely cannot help myself because of the tizzy my brain goes into over the twin facts of

1: ice-age megafauna that is still alive! and

2: EIGHT HUNDRED POUND GOAT

you can see the goatishness a little more in their babies

i just, i am crazy over the fact that these guys are still alive on our planet