One Bite at a Time

We have a fairy who lives in one of the big trees outside the lake house here in Michigan. For the past five years, she has left little presents for Henry by her fairy door and they have exchanged notes.

Last year he didn’t seem as into it, so I didn’t think much about it this year. My mom usually plays the fairy, and she isn’t up here this year, and also there’s just been so much going on I didn’t plan anything. But as soon as we got here he asked about the fairy! I said I wasn’t sure if she knew he still believed in her, so he hastily scrawled a note (in terrible handwriting lol) and left it by the tree. I ran into town and bought these two little stuffed winged creatures, then I wrote a note back, and Erik snuck everything out early this morning.

I was in the bathroom when I heard the kids wander outside and then SCREAMS OF JOY echoing over the lake. They ran inside shouting that the fairy had come back and she’d brought special gifts! The kids named their stuffies Fairy Sherri and Fairy Gary and they are over the moon.

I’m an obsessive researcher. I looked at dozens of vehicles and drove across town multiple times to check them out in person. I finally found the perfect one- the right price, excellent condition. The right amount of miles. Only issue was it was located at a used car dealership an hour away, but that wasn’t a deal breaker. I bought it.

I have had to take it (an hour) back to the dealer already to fix a dead headlight relay. Then, a week later, on the day I finally sold the Subaru, half a dozen lights on the van dashboard turned on. Three cylinders were misfiring. The guy at the dealership said to bring it back, but I didn’t have the time to drive two hours round trip AGAIN, so Erik and I researched the issue and he did something that seemed to fix it. Briefly.

Then the lights came back on. We reached out to a local mechanic we know and in the midst of all this crisis with my mother at the hospital, we took it in to his shop. He replaced the spark plugs and ignition coils for $450 and drove it a bunch and said it should be good. I picked it up this morning on my way back to the hospital and it seemed ok.

When I went to get it from the garage, all the fucking dashboard lights were back on. We are supposed to drive to Michigan tomorrow. My mother just got out of the hospital and my brand new car is a mess.

I’ve been talking about this dilemma at the hospital. This morning her nurse and the PA both told me if it was their mom they’d go on the trip and wouldn’t worry.

I’m just torn. I think it’s probably ok, but my extremely overdeveloped sense of responsibility is struggling. Realistically how will my being in town prevent anything from happening? If anything DOES happen we can be back here pretty quickly. We don’t have flights we’d have to coordinate, we could just hop in the car. She’s barely going to leave her house because she’ll be resting, and her neighbors will be right there.

She feels good. The doctor said her artery will heal and they think she looks great.

They just finished the procedure and she’s back in the room with me now. It’s all very scary. The surgeon was such a complete dick to me and I’m just feeling really alone and overwhelmed up here, but I guess this is just adulthood at this stage, isn’t it? I’m racing around trying to shove down all of my own fears to take care of my mom while juggling car problems (with my brand new van) and trying to figure out what to do about the trip to Michigan we are supposed to leave for on Sunday.

It’s just all so much. And she is my only parent. And I love her.