Thinking about when I worked at a shitty restaurant + one night it was just me + 3 other women on closing shift, so some guy came in the back and waved a knife around, presumably for money but I’m not actually certain, bc he was met with the bartender holding a much bigger knife, a tiny teenager wielding a cast iron pan, an elderly woman holding up a crockpot of clearly boiling water, and me, turning on the meat slicer with eye contact for maximum effect. He left, but the moral of the story is not girl power or whatever, it’s just. Why the fuck would you threaten a room full of underpaid and sleep-deprived blue-collar workers surrounded by lethal weapons.

also pls tell me if there’s anything that stands out to you here or that you like. I’m so proud of this and finished it sitting alone in an apartment like pls hype me up

I'm so sick of people saying water doesn't taste. Water fuckin TASTES

well what does it taste like then?

I'm not the kind of guy who reblogs cool mugs, but this is the greatest mug I've ever seen.

It's cute :)

There are million dollar blockbuster movies that were less entertaining than the rollercoaster this post just took me on. 

i feel so bad for nikola tesla like imagine spending years beefing with a guy who has conned the public into believing he's some sort of supergenius when in reality it's his overworked employees developing all of his world-changing inventions and you end up dying broke and starving and alone and then 100 years later another guy cons the public into believing he's some sort of supergenius when in reality it's his overworked employees developing all of his world-changing inventions and he's doing it all IN YOUR NAME. he must be rolling in his grave like a fucking rotisserie chicken

His ghost is setting those cars on fire actually

I hadn’t really considered “the agnostic demigod of electromagnetism is the reason Musk’s companies fail” before, but I like the concept. 

Let’s help him out. Likes charge, reblogs cast

I can’t believe a humble security guard saved our planet from the aliens.

This is PROBABLY one of those times where they hired a professional dancer to dress up as a security guard for the bit, but I don’t even care because the man SOLD IT

Oh that is SUCH a fun story! So he knew the mascot person IRL but didnt know he was gonna get challenged to a danceoff! XD This guy sounds fabulous!

THIS IS A MAN!

you wet idiot

Godspeed you! wet idiot

Welcome to Wet Beast Wednesday

Ahahah, guys I put my jeans on this morning that have holes in and one of the holes lines up perfectly with my tattoo 😭

getting a muscle tank that shows off my top surgery scars is awesome also astoundingly someone thought i was straight today despite literally smacking my boyfriends calf, biting him and calling him baby all within the span of 10 minutes

everything about this picture is goddamn intense as fuck 

"what do they mean by disintegrate?" "oh yeah no he fucking disintegrated"