Howdy

I’ve been seeing a lot of Scooby Doo on my dash lately. My friend discovered what he describes as “Shaggy eviscerating an ape”

My blood sugar app has this horrific mascot that "giggles" when you press it??? It's on the main screen and I tapped it today and scared myself shitless LMAO (AWFUL AUDIO BTW)

The Treachery of Images (This is Not a Pipe) René Magritte Belgium, 1929

i reference this all the time i forget it’s not a meme online but a children’s drawing i saw on the sidewalk once

the director stands up hastily and turns away from the desk, fists balled and quivering. after a second they straighten their shirt and ease their shoulders: when they turn back toward the composer, their expression and demeanour have returned to neutrality. the composer is hunched & pallid, gripping their knees with trembling hands and staring straight down. "take a few minutes to compose yourself," the director says in a frigid tone, "ive got to try and placate the board. investors are already jumping ship. depending on how things go, we may need to meet again in the next several days to discuss your future with this company." the director exits the room without a second glance, leaving the composer to cry alone, gutted by the knowledge that they have not merely failed at their job but betrayed the faith of the one person who ever loved them

anyway thats what id do if i met a genie

if you work with kids 80% of your job is just this

I refuse to let you leave this in the tags. fly. be free

i immediately scripted out a dialogue exchange between me and a girl who had died by the swings (classic). i invited another student over and told them i had found a ghost, then proceeded to type out the pre-scripted exchange. i was immediately pulled into the counselors office. the kicker was that none of the adults could figure out how i did it. i had to show them the menu and everything.

Shout out to Linda. The he/him asexual woman from my psychology quiz from a few years ago

went to the dentist today, they told me im gonna die in 3 hours

in a prestigious lecture hall with cherrywood walls a professor presents this tweet to their class. the students pass it around, each taking their chance to hold the tweet, to feel its weight in their hands. some students use their microscopes to study the tweet closely, others auscultate it with stethoscopes. once each student has had the opportunity to inspect it, the professor asks if there are any questions. the first several questions are the expected requests for clarification-- examples of chumpfuckery, inquiries as to the role of B*rnie in the production cycle of fuckcrustables, etc. the class falls silent again until a student in the back raises a hand and says "had the day not been a cromulent fuckcrustable, would tommy still needy drinky?" the professor's smile is wry yet impressed: this line of inquiry does not occur to every student. the professor says: "tell me what you think." the student ponders for a second, acutely aware that everyone in the room is watching them. "well," they finally say, "i've had days that were fuckcrustables before, some of them cromulent, and ive never needy drinky. wanty, sure, but not needy." the professor prompts them to keep going. "my theory is that... either tommy is lying or... maybe fuckcrustability doesnt actually correlate with drinky requisites?" so what does, another student asks. "i believe the key variables are the ex-wife and the tenant from hell. they generate the needy in question." the professor presses: "how can you be sure that tommy would not needy drinky otherwise?" the student replies, "because we are not talking about chumpfuckery or fuckcrustability in the abstract, we're talking about a confluence of variables producing an intersection of chumpfuckery, fuckcrustability, and cromulence that is greater than the sum of its parts. anyone would needy drinky in those circumstances, and im willing to wager that we could prove it mathematically using the drinky formula." a brief silence ensues before the classroom erupts into applause. that student goes on to graduate at the top of their class and become a leading figure in the field of tweet exegesis. the professor? that was tommy. and the student? that was You.