when hien returns to the kienkan that evening, it is with a tension in his brow that he tries to rub away with his thumb. doma is back on its feet, true, but there is still much to be done. it is work that he welcomes, and yet it would be a lie to say it is not exhausting. he is eager to rest. and yet, something stops him, a chill in the air that permeates his skin as his hand touches the door to his chambers. the shadows seem to grow longer here, pulling at his feet, and he dreads what he knows he will see beyond. he slides the door open.

and there he is, yuzu, sitting on the floor with his legs crossed and his arms limply at his side, inert, a strip of bright moonlight from the window falling across him as if cutting him in two. his gleaming eyes find hien's immediately.

hien frowns, his hand clenching tight at his side. "you were not invited—"

"i'm inviting you." the break in rhythm catches hien off guard, his mouth opening and closing as he finds his words again.

and there is something unreadable on his face as he looks at yuzu, sees how uncharacteristically open and unguarded he is, eyes distant, but searching for something neither of them will name. how could they, after everything?

the minutes tick by, tense. and when hien does not move, yuzu lowers his eyes in understanding, letting himself sink back into the dark. "i'll leave."

"no. stay." and it comes out too gruff, too much like a command that hien regrets as soon as the words leave his lips. he softens his voice then as he comes before yuzu, kneeling. "stay."

yuzu knows he should not be here, knows he should make a clean break, leave it all quietly behind. but the one word is all he needs. he is set in motion and throws himself into death a second time.

it is a burst of frenetic activity, yuzu falling into a sort of delirium as he pulls hien into his arms, feels the other's lips on his own, his tongue in his mouth, his teeth. sparks behind his eyes as he is pushed into soft blankets and bared, kneaded, and readied under hien's insistent hands.

hien pauses a moment to fixate on the thin scar on yuzu's chest, still angry and red as if it were a fresh wound, as if he could pry it apart with his fingers. he touches the tip of his tongue to it, half expecting to taste blood, half reveling in the way it makes yuzu writhe underneath him. he kisses him then to chase away the pain, collapses into him, and the sound yuzu makes sets him on fire.

that voice, no longer begging for death, sweet as honey, viscous as tar. if only he could hear it again. if only he could draw it out of him again. if only it had ever been this.

.........

when hien wakes in the morning, he thinks yuzu will be there, just on the other side of him. but his reaching arm finds nothing, only the blankets cold and empty. he seeks him out at his old residence, the cage hien once put him in, but finds only ume there. they look at him with the vehemence of someone who bears him a grudge. and they don't need to say it.