smol

what is my gender? my gender is [large truck passes by] but everybody calls me “dad”

I asked my five year old cousin what he would do if there was a scary skeleton and he said "I would pour water on it and then kick it" and I've been losing my shit laughing crying about a wet skeleton for about fifteen minutes straight

@apocrypals

Hi, pope expert here. This isn’t funny — popes only do this when they’re in extreme distress

the oldest reblogs for this post that i can find are from january 2nd of 2013. this can has been getting kicked around tumblr for almost 13½ years now

bagel 🥯 btw. just think ab it

Not that I think all marriages are doomed but when deciding who to marry you should ask yourself “is this someone I’d want to divorce?” As in, is this someone I believe would be mature and fair, even when they’re upset and don’t particularly like me at the moment. Is this someone I could continue to trust while going through an adversarial process? And if the answer is no, don’t marry them.