i need whoever has my WhatsApp number to know that sometimes i get lonely & bored and i start recording myself talking about random things and it can go up to 5 or 6 minutes and then i delete the audio because who the fuck wants to hear that. so just know that you're always at risk of receiving a long rambling random senseless audio. it's never gonna happen because i have self-respect but just know the chances are not zero.

another funny detail is that i am a lesbian and had fully accepted and acknowledged that by the time i fucked that guy but we were at a party and i was bored and had had a few shots so i told myself why not. after a while i gave up on coming (important detail: lesbian. and he was comically bad at head. i would say so was i but i have been praised for my head technique. by women. remember the lesbianism.). so we got to chatting and i told him i had never had sex before and he said "you're a virgin?" and i said "well ive had sex with women" (i hadn't) and he said "YOU'RE A LESBIAN?" which i was. but it's funny that he'd ask that when three minutes prior i had had his dick in my mouth.

remember when i convinced myself i had brain cancer because i kept having headaches (it was because i slept 3 hours a night and clenched my teeth 24/7) and i convinced myself i had meningitis because my neck was stiff and i called emergency care (i had a cold) and i convinced myself that i was pregnant because i had had non-penetrative sex with a man and i took a pregnancy test (it was negative) and 12 hours later my periods came. all in the span of a month. yeah. fun times.

got my blood tests back and OF COURSEEEE i have low vitamin D obviouslyyy. rheumatoid factor is negative. other than that i seem decently healthy. of course my father is convinced that i am morbidly obese and im dying of kidney failure. is my father a doctor? no he's a chemical engineer.

its so funny to me when baking recipes give you measurements for chocolate chips as if you're not supposed to weigh those with your heart and pussy

god i have the best ideas but im so bad at writing it's annoying

also i have the growing suspicion that i am in love and it's the worst thing on planet earth this is so embarrassing genuinely would throw myself off the balcony. holy shit. are you fucking stupid. at the ripe age of 26? oh my god.