The Life of a Penguin

"tumblr thinks this" "tumblr users act like that" the only thing all tumblr users do is look at posts.

some of them don't even read posts.

Me at 35: “god I can’t wait to go home and read fanfic”

Me at 51: "god I can't wait to go home and read fanfic"

"maybe I should start working out" - recurring quote from person who's never demonstrated the ability to do or achieve anything

Concept: a mermaid who collects human artifacts, but, like, exclusively objects that humans have dramatically cast into the sea in moments of high emotion, catharsis, or personal revelation. Each item is carefully mounted above a little index card that outlines the circumstances of its hurling in terse, clinical prose.

How many outdated cellphones does she have from businessmen who realize that Family is more important?

Fewer than you’d think. For a variety of fascinating demographic and cultural reasons, importance-of-family cell phones are considerably more likely to be hurled into lakes than oceans. She’s co-authored a paper on the subject that’s due to be published next month.

I hope it’s been pier reviewed

"do it scared" this "do it tired" that. well no one ever talks about the fucking insurmountable "do it with greasy hair"

it's blowing my mind rn that it really turns out candace owens is the only friend charlie kirk had in life and she's so mad about his widow's reaction she just leaked an audio from a few days after his death where erika kirk is on a zoom call giddy about the bump in merch sales and the memorial being "the event of the century"

Old dude came in the shop and when I said "lemme know if you have any questions" he goes "what was the name of Alexander the Great's horse," thinking he was so funny. I told him Bucephalus, and he was so disappointed. Like his whole day was hanging on beating me at trivia. He says "you're only the second person who knew that" and I said "well, probably the third if you count Alexander the Great." He left without buying anything, and did not say goodbye. I think I honestly hurt his weird little feelings! Sorry I'm a bitch, old man!

I had one of these once, bookshop customer randomly challenged me to name, quote, ‘the only word in English where two u’s are next to each other’, and when I immediately said ‘vacuum’ he looked disappointed and when I pointed out it isn’t even the only word with two u’s next to each other in English and offered ‘continuum’ as an example he looked like I’d just punched his ribcage out his back like a Mortal Kombat character

People claiming this didn’t happen have never worked a day in retail

"ingredients you can pronounce" learn phonics. coward.

10000 YEAR OLD ROCK ART OF GIRAFFES FOUND IN LIBYA LET'S GO

imagine the supernatural season one aesthetic if they were boppin around in a prius

john winchester looks at the coat of dirt on the prius. “dean, i wouldn’t have given you this car if you weren’t going to take care of it.” “dad, everyone knows you buy a prius for the fuel efficiency, not for the appearance.” “you’re right, son, my bad. carry on.”

in the pilot episode, the woman in white takes control of the prius on the bridge but then she realizes she’s in a prius so she softly whispers “this is bullshit. i can never go home.”

sam says “we’ve got work to do” and then steps back so he can close the hatchback

because their lives are so stressful, they choose the soothing sea glass pearl color. who wants to worry about visible clear coat scratches when you’ve got monsters to kill

a semi hits the prius during the season 1 finale but, due to its five star side crash safety rating, dean winchester never enters a coma. season 2 is fundamentally altered.

I don’t even go here, but please tell me more about plot problems that could be solved if they were driving a road safe, fuel efficient, cheaply maintained car.

woman morning wood

Coffee shop called morning bean