elidure

31 hours deep into the insomniac’s gambit and i tried to microwave a popsicle

31 hours deep into the insomniac’s gambit and i posted on the wrong blog again

@elodieunderglass #I can’t drive any more (never got a driving license in the country I immigrated to)#I think I was bad at it (thought I was good but upon emigrating to the UK#realized I was NOT on their level and probably never would be. British drivers have the wildest shit going on at all times and take it in#their stride in the full expectation of everyone else being fairly competent and well-informed. there’s incredibly high expectations#and like. the basic level of performance is already high. everyone is so alert and attentive and it all operates on very thin margins#because of this collective expectation. I do not want to do any of this I do not want to play. thanks.#but I enjoyed it in the USA. I thought I was good! I was having a good time! I took on some decent challenges . can drive in a blizzard etc#but I cannot handle the thing British people do when there’s 2 cars encountering each other going either way on a single lane country road#and one of you has to reverse all the way to the most recent lay-by which you were supposed to have clocked and tuck yourself into it so#they can pass you and everyone else knows which car is supposed to be the one to reverse (there’s always a hill involved also) and PARALELL#PARK IN A FUCKING HEDGE. ramming and wedging the car into brambles and trees#often reversing for A VERY LONG WAY UP A HILL. while the opposing car advances on you pointedly staring at you implying that you’re fucking#up a perfectly easy job that a child should be able to do. there’s complex algorithms determining who has to back up and I cannot remember#how it works but you aren’t allowed to burst into tears and beg for a pass. you must be very brave and intentional and try to remember#the most recent lay-by. which will literally be a small invisible notch in a hedge. with a rock hidden under it that will go GRAUNCH on the#undercarriage. anyway#once my husband was trying to give me a driving lesson and this happened to me except the oncoming vehicle was a big fuckin tractor#and I simply got out of the car. i was like: i cannot do this. it is not in me.#(I was trying to learn how to drive stick shift also. there is a thing on hills about clutch control.) I simply said: I can do a lot of#things with competence and clarity. and this is not one of them. got out of the car. tractor driver staring at me in disbelief. dr glass#ceremonially swapped seats. it’s notable that the car was a 1990s bright orange Fiat seven to#which is a car that you could basically get out of and pick up in your arms like a pumpkin and carry it home if you had to. dr glass was#always doing some bullshit with that car. he could park it in non-Euclidean geometries. it practically folded up like one of those scooters.#the Fiat seicento is basically carryon luggage. you can fit it in the overhead compartment no problem. you can mail it as a Small Parcel#if you can’t find a parking space you can usually fit a Fiat seicento in a bike rack or between the pages of a book or magazine#anyway. I wasn’t up to this challenge on that day and I felt no shame. dr glass swapped seats with me. the farmer radiated judgment.#dr glass reversed uphill until he was able to slip the car into the space between a rabbit’s breath and its next move#and the tractor passed us and I did not really ever have any confidence in my driving again.#so no. I don’t think I’m very good at driving and I don’t want to be.

Can anyone explain wtf is going on here especially a Korean speaker

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That is one of the most astronomical fuck up translations I have ever seen.

listening to fleetwood mac is like. i don’t know this song but let’s give it a shot. oh wait i do know this song. i’ve heard it a million times and always liked it, i just didn’t know the name. on some level i kind of assumed that song was just an ambient part of the world the way the sound of the wind or birdsong in the trees was but apparently it’s by fleetwood mac. neat.

you make one fucking post where the point is “women are encouraged to develop disordered eating from a very young age and that impacts how we view the ‘natural’ size and shape of women” and too many reblogs later i am being accused of saying short people wouldn’t exist if they ate better growing up. i’m sorry but if you genuinely think i was saying that you are just a buffoon. i cannot and will not sanction your buffoonery.

This might be the funniest reply I’ve ever seen in my life

I AM WHEEZING

PLEASE STOP REBLOGGING THIS OMFG

so ummm welcome to my jar:) lemme show you around! theres some holes poked in the top so i can breathe, theres some leaves to munch on, and ive even got a twig! #mytwig

project hail mary is a touching and poignant film that leaves you asking questions about humanity like, "wow what if all mainstream media was genuinely good" and "what if book adaptions actually gave a shit about the book in question" and "what if studios hired actors that could actually act, and then let them get a lil wacky with it"

#Don’t forget ‘what if puppetry was treated as a serious artform’ (via @specialagentartemis)

it’s weird that professional letters are supposed to start with “dear.” i don’t even call my mom that

my darling hiring manager. my springtime rose. if hired i will bring a strong work ethic to this position

Everyone go look up the song nasa banned from space