womanhood is a prison

guy named brett at the gym: whew I'm really working up a brett

Coca Cola flavored Oreos taste like if you could eat clipart

I think they add an important element of randomness to the environment. My father in law bought 6 or 7 boxes of the Selena Gomez Oreos so he could set a Selena Gomez Oreo alarm to go off mid workday and then say to his coworkers, "Oh, my Selena Gomez Oreo alarm is going off!" and unearth from his locker his 6 or 7 boxes of Selena Gomez Oreos so he and his coworkers could distribute them around the neonatal ICU ward where they work. He said it livened up an otherwise extremely dreary day.

“get the fries, you’ll need the energy in the coming days”

Cmon man

needs a pop of color . . . I think some red accents would really give it that homey feel :)

‎ ‎

throwing lit matches at preschoolers is punk

I know this is a joke, and this is tumblr, but do not do this. Preschoolers frequently leak highly flammable fluids. I get that this is the kids-hating website, but throwing lit matches at preschoolers doesn't just hurt them, it hurts all of the surrounding buildings in your community, not to mention yourself and any nearby trees. It's not "punk" to destroy other people's personal or private property, it's just rude.

Younger people, one thing I want you to understand about Millenials is that, overall, our parents taught their daughters to aim for careers and employment, but they didn't teach their sons to keep house. This causes a whole lot of Situations.

I love the whole 30 is the new 21 trend like yes queen so true. Your 30s are not for having children and settling down. They are for traveling, building your career, and going to the CLUB. Freeze ur eggs if u must I don’t care. Any 30 something year old woman who’s choosing to enjoy her newfound financial stability and not spend it in an unhappy marriage has my wholehearted stamp of approval.

"i feel besquintled", said no one ever. because that's not a word.

getting married on the 3rd of July is so trashy it is like cousin on your dad’s side behavior

do you think the inevitable divorce will make Taylor Swift’s music better or worse

i suggest not letting it get this far